


Constellations

by Eaven



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mass Effect 3, Romance, The Reaper War, basically a retelling of Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-05-24 04:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eaven/pseuds/Eaven
Summary: When you connect different stars, you can find beautiful constellations.





	1. Libra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A story focusing on the developing relationships between Commander June Shepard, Garrus Vakarian, Ashley Williams and James Vega during the events of Mass Effect 3.

Ashley‘s anger is not just directed towards Commander June Shepard.  
No, her anger is like a wildfire and it is consuming more than her former leader. Her anger festers at the helplessness of her people, at the Council‘s idleness and the imminent threat that are the giant ancient creatures with the only goal to reap the whole Milky Way.  
But yes, most of her anger is directed towards Commander June _fucking_ Shepard.  
Maybe because she is the only one in Ashley‘s reach and maybe because she is the only one who could have made a difference - but failed.  
Maybe because Ashley thought she knew Commander Shepard, how she works and what she fights for. Now Ashley is no longer sure. 

Ashley was there when Shepard surrendered willingly. Ashley was there when the Normandy SR-2 suddenly appeared as a blinking spot on the interfaces of command control and shortly after Ashley was there when Shepard‘s voice was heard over the com link, surrendering to the Systems Alliance Forces. 

The destruction of the Alpha Relay is still on the news. A whole system gone cold and lifeless and dead. By now she‘s thinking twice before turning on any media. Everything is doom and gloom. If it‘s not the Reapers, its the Bahak system and if its not the Bahak System, its Cerberus and if it‘s not Cerberus it‘s the Geth and if it‘s not the Geth it‘s most likely the Reapers again. Ashley has enough doom and gloom on Earth. She definitely doesn‘t need doom and gloom in the whole Galaxy.  
_One step after another, Sweetheart. One step after another. If you take on everything at once, you will stumble and fall. One step and then another._

She‘s in uniform and ready to kick ass when the order comes in and tells her to accompany Admiral Anderson. She and ten other soldiers follow Anderson to the Alliance Docks. While they march in step behind Anderson, following him through corridor after corridor to take Shepard in custody, the Normandy comes into sight. Seeing the ship again feels like a fever dream: it looks like the old one, the SSV Normandy SR-1, but Ashley knows that is not true. This is a Cerberus vessel built by Cerberus engineers and with Cerberus staff.  
Seeing it still brings back memories from better, simpler days. Back then she knew who the enemy really was.

The hydraulic door opens with a threatening hiss. It‘s familiar and completely strange. Ashley clasps her hands behind her back. Shepard is surrendering willingly. No hostile environment. No threat. Still Ashley feels some sense of danger, hostility crawling up her spine.  
The first human Spectre turned into a terrorist, working for the extremist pro-human group Cerberus. Ashley remembers June‘s Tenth Street Reds tattoo. They turned extreme too. Slowly, pieces fall into place.

 _Commander June Shepard, you are hereby arrested and taken into custody. You will be tried for the intentional destruction of the Alpha Relay and thereby the intentional murder of approximately 30 500 batarian citizens._

Shepard is wearing her dress blues, familiar Alliance decorations glistening in the cold neon light of the airlock. But she looks different, unfamiliar harsh scars framing her eyes and nose and lips, freckles getting drowned in angry, red-glowing cracks of her skin.  
Her hair is shorter than the last time Ashley met her. Blurred memories of the Collectors and Horizon buzzing in her mind.  
Shepard‘s eyes are cold and calculating, a faint red hue glazing her blue eyes.

Behind Shepard stands Joker. Ashley swallows and eyes her former friend with caution. She hasn‘t seen him in over three years and yet, still he sports his lazy stubble, the basecap and his lopsided posture. A melancholic smile sneaks on her lips, betraying her while more memories of bad jokes break through the surface of her memory. But Joker isn‘t smiling and his eyes are only focused on Shepard. His cold attitude reminds Ashley of the fact that he left the Alliance willingly, voluntarily joining the pro-human terrorist group.  
Joker will be arrested too.

Anderson steps forward, facing Shepard and her pilot.  
_June_ , he greets her and recites her rights. She listens but her eyes jump from soldier to soldier, analysing and always calculating. She never meets Ashley‘s gaze.

But Shepard wouldn‘t be Shepard if she wouldn‘t get something out of it.  
Her voice is stern and low when she claims to surrender without resistance, if Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau will be acquitted on all accounts held against him. Ashley notices Joker uncomfortably shuffling from one leg to another, his weak bones hurting after standing too long.

Anderson nods.  
_We still have to ask some questions._  
_Yes, of course._ In this case, Shepard could ask whatever she wanted and they would have to agree. Nobody just arrests Shepard. Shepard decides to get arrested and the Alliance has to hope that she will show up sooner or later.

Shepard nods.  
She acknowledges his agreement and hands over her weapon.

Ashley has the order to accompany Joker to one of the interrogation rooms. All the people in the high ranks want to get over with this mess really fast. Anderson leaves with Shepard.  
Ashley sees how Joker opens his mouth but closes it before he speaks, like a fish on dry land. He and Shepard share glances, a faint smile ghosting over his face. Shepard blinks and leaves.

They are silent while marching through the HQ. Ashley listens to Joker‘s irregular footsteps, his breathing slowly getting heavier the more stairs they climb and the faint sounds of her colleague adjusting his weapon. It‘s all formalities. No matter how serious it looks, Ashley realizes it‘s all show, all for the media, all to keep the mind occupied and make everybody think the Alliance has it under control.  
Joker will not be tried for anything. Shepard is the one they want.

They defeated the Sovereign three years ago.  
Now Shepard justifies the destruction of a whole System and the Alpha Relay by delaying the Reaper‘s arrival for mere months.  
Ashley doesn‘t want to believe.

 _You gotta warn them. They are coming._  
Joker‘s last words are hushed and fast before she closes the door and leaves him in his temporary home. She spends the rest of the day filing data and listening to high ranked people arguing about a freckled troublemaker and her glass boned pilot.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau gets released after three days.  
Ashley sees him limping out the HQ, head low and nose buried in a datapad. His eyes hush towards her for a moment, but he breaks eye contact before she can even react.

Commander June Shepard stays locked up in her room, guarded by two marines doing shifts and playing cards. Whenever she can, she speaks up about the Reapers, warning people, threatening.

Ashley buries herself in work but Admiral Anderson seems to have different ideas.  
_You visited her yet?_ , he asks her after a long day of work. _I‘m afraid to_ , she thinks and _I couldn‘t find the time yet_ , she says.  
_I‘m afraid the June Shepard I loved didn‘t get resurrected. The person I saw is not the person I knew._

Anderson smiles the same smile her father always gave her and Ashley knows she lost this argument, before it even truly began.  
He puts his hand on her uniformed shoulder, gives her a small squeeze and while Ashley looks into his eyes she remembers all the so much simpler days on the Normandy SR-1, watching awfully silly videos, having dance-parties with the other girls to awfully old songs from earth, even all the times June so easily disarmed her and she found herself on the floor, back and arms and legs covered in scratches and bruises.  
Ashley can not go back to those days.

 _No_ , she says. _I don‘t want to see her_.  
Anderson‘s dark brown eyes are gentle when he smiles faintly, takes his hand away and leaves her.  
Somehow Ashley feels terribly lonely after this conversation. Shepard never told her she was alive. No sign of living from her until their crude meeting on Horizon. And even after Horizon: the only proof that Ashley‘s mind didn‘t just go wild, was the small notification reading _Seen 03:46 a.m._ under her message. She never got an answer.  
Ashley spends her evening in her flat, three pairs of socks, her favourite TV-show and three pints of strawberry-cheesecake ice cream.  
_No, I can‘t go to see her._

Shepard‘s presence in the Vancouver HQ is an extraordinary event but after two weeks her presence becomes a normality. People stop listening, and the media stops soaking up every repetitive word the Commander says.  
_The Reapers are coming._  
The society‘s ignorance becomes their bliss.

Ashley can‘t ignore Shepard‘s tirades.  
Although the media and the Alliance try to silence her never ending threats about a Reaper Invasion, Ashley can not flee her warnings.  
Joker shows up at her office 24 days after he and Shepard arrived.

 _Listen_ , he says but Ashley shakes her head.  
_Leave_ , she says but Joker sits down.  
They exchange angry glances for an eternity until Ashley‘s resolve falters, she sights, sits and listens.  
Only after that, Joker leaves.

_The Reapers are coming and they will show no mercy. We destroyed the Alpha Relay but that just slows them down for a few months. We need to be ready. They are coming._

Ashley‘s world spirals into confusion, fear and uncertainty.  
She remembers Sovereign, remembers the turian Spectre Saren, body enhanced with metal and carbon fiber, eyes red and full of hate.  
Most of all, Ashley remembers the deformed bodies of the colonists of Eden Prime.  
She still sees the blue lights, the wires and the spiderlike walk.  
Husks hunt Ashley in her dreams every night.

Almost four months after Shepard‘s arrival, Ashley decides she‘s ready to hear _her_ side of the story.  
_The Reapers are coming. We need to prepare. We need to be ready._  
Ashley wants to hear the full story. All of it.  
_I‘m ready._

The marine sitting in front of her room keeps himself busy with a deck of worn down cards. Lazily shuffling the cards while half the deck falls to the ground and tapping one foot along to some unknown music apparently only he can hear.

Ashley is a most welcome distraction. Instead of picking up the cards that fell down, he throws the whole deck on the floor, standing with a huge grin and friendly eyes.  
Once she states her kind of visit, his grin disappears and he shakes his head.  
_Can‘t do, ma‘am._  
The next 30 minutes are a painfully long discussion about pros and cons of meeting Commander Shepard. She brings up her rank, her connections, even her past and in the end, her family, but the guard does not budge.

Ashley is close to leaving the guy and Shepard for good, when a familiar voice rises from behind.  
_It‘s alright Lieutenant, Lieutenant Williams gets granted access to Commander Shepard‘s quarters._  
The marine is put off for a few seconds, staring and stuttering before recollecting himself and stepping aside.  
Ashley can‘t help but grin while the endorphine of this small victory kicks in.  
Then the door hisses open and her smile is wiped off her face.  
_I take everything back. Not ready, I repeat, I‘m not ready._

__

Shepard lounges on her bed, a datapad in one, a strand of hair in her other hand, chewing on a bubblegum and making extra loud chewing noises every once in a while.  
She doesn‘t look up when Ashley and the marine walk in.  
Still, the soldier eagerly straightens, salutes, announces Ashley as if she‘s some top-notch officer and then leaves while winking at Ashley as if they are some kind of accomplices in a crime they committed. 

Ashley awkwardly stands and waits. Seconds that feel like minutes pass, till the Spectre flings her datapad across the room, flips over and sits up on her bed.  
_Ashley_ , she greets her, no emotion noticeable in neither her voice nor her face.  
_Hello June_ , Ashley answers and she hates the way her voice shakes and that she can‘t look in the glazed eyes of her former friend. 

Awkward silence falls over the room and Ashley feels like the kid in school again that‘s the worst at giving presentations in front of a class. Shepard patiently waits and watches, till Ashley finally clears her throat. 

_I don‘t understand why you did a lot of stuff. And I suppose I thought if I would ask you straight away, you could tell me... and make me understand. Or at least try to._  
It‘s easier once the first words stumble from her trembling lips.  
_I saw you get spaced and then... you were right there... on Horizon, breathing and talking and just.. alive and I felt so betrayed and relieved and angry and glad all at the same time. Why did you never write us? Why didn‘t you tell anybody that you were alive all those years?!_

_I wasn‘t alive_ , is her simple answer. Ashley notices the way her fingers twitch and the way one of her legs frantically wriggles up and down. _I was dead for two years. And once I woke up I was in Cerberus‘ hands and humanity was getting attacked and nobody - nobody did anything._

Ashley takes a deep breath and takes a first step towards Commander Shepard.  
_You always had a choice to leave Cerberus. But you decided to stay with them. Work in their name._

Shepard‘s eyes wander from her own, nervous fingers to Ashley and for the first time since Ashley walked in, their eyes meet. Ashley feels a shiver running up her spine.  
These eyes have little in common with the eyes of the June she served under on the SR-1. 

Ashley sighs, takes a chair from the desk standing in front of the large window, and sits. This is going to be a long talk and Ashley is as ready as she will be to face this conversation. 

They talk for an hour and once Ashley leaves, she is still not happy with the long, shouted answer she got. They are both hurt and both angry and most of all, Ashley thinks they are both scared because they _both_ saw what only one Reaper can do. Neither of them want to see what a whole army of those ancient machines could do. 

The marine on guard flashes her a quick smile as she passes, but Ashley feels more like crying than smiling.  
Even after all these years, after serving with her, after fighting with her and after drinking with her, even after dancing with her in the most embarrassing way, June _fucking_ Shepard is still a mystery to Ashley Williams.  
And that is probably the biggest reason for Ashley‘s anger. 


	2. Aries

James likes the way her skin wrinkles around her eyes when she laughs.  
Her laugh is scarce and loud and she quickly covers her mouth with one hand to hide her white teeth.  
It‘s honest and it has been far too long since someone truly laughed about one of his miserable jokes. 

At first he thought Lieutenant Ashley Williams laughed out of pity. Thinking back she might have laughed out of pure desperation. _Humour is one stupid coping mechanism._  
But leaving Earth means leaving Home and although he left years ago, it still seems to mean so much more now.

One moment he talks to her about the Commander - she used to know her from before and her eyes get sad when he mentions her name. The next, everything burst into flames and noise and red - she drags him behind cover and he can‘t hear her but her lips move and so he nods and follows.  
Against all odds, they make it to the Normandy, picking up some low ranked soldiers as they go. Although Shepard told him about the Reapers, seeing them is a different tale. Like massive insects they fall from the sky and he thinks the clouds bleed and he knows his world is dying. 

James tries to remember Boot Camp and he tries to remember Fehl Prime and he tries to remember to breath in order to work, in order to cope. He survived before.  
The Normandy‘s Pilot is already on board. He limps to the cockpit, one hand clutched to his rips and he whispers _shit, shit, shit!_ as he climbs into his seat, engines coming alive with nothing more but a soft rhythmical hum.  
James shouts _shit, shit, shit!_ as the spaceship makes her first stuttering attempt to get off the shaking ground. One of the soldiers falls on her knees and starts crying. James staggers to her side, picks her up by grabbing her upper arm. He doesn't let go for a while, even when they are both on their feet again. 

Williams calls the pilot Joker and James answers with a pathetic joke about _joking_ and _choking_ while they are all cramped up in the cockpit, their homeworld burning around them.  
That‘s when she laughs and Joker looks at him and her in disbelieve. _Just get us out of here_ , she says, recovering from giggles with tears and pain in her eyes. 

The com link Williams manages to establish between Admiral Anderson and her is unstable, cutting out every once in a while. Commander Shepard gets patched in after a few seconds and her short breaths echo through the almost empty Normandy. James wants to remember them about _everybody else_ and _we can‘t just leave!_  
Picking up Admiral Anderson and Commander Shepard seems like a compromise he has to take. 

But everything goes wrong because everything has to go wrong because nothing can go right while being trapped in a nightmare.  
Anderson refuses to leave and Shepard stands right next to James and when he looks at her he sees his hero crack and he sees the unshed tears and her trembling hands and the realization she is only human somehow makes him angry. When his gaze shifts he sees Williams and her eyes are fixed on Shepard and she is sad too. James sees it in the turn of her mouth and her eyebrows, the bend of her neck and how she clutches her gun.  
He turns and walks away.  
Heroes are not meant for weakness. 

_We leave_ , she says and James calls her out and Shepard turns and bursts, her hair like fire, her words like venom and a single tear rolls down her face as she barks orders and turns to grab her gear.  
Williams is no help, shutting herself away and all James sees are furrowed brows, lips drawn into tight lines and eyes already mourning a world still fighting death.  
All James can do is getting into gear himself, hoping his tío is somehow safe. Maybe even his father too.  
Leaving Earth means leaving Home and although he left years ago, it still seems to mean so much more now. 

The first spat happens on Mars, barely ten into the mission. Williams‘ doubts grow and when she speaks up, Shepard growls and shuts the argument down before it even begins. Williams shoots him a desperate glance but not much James can do. This is the only fight he does not want to get involved in.  
James gets send back to the shuttle the moment the mission gets interesting. 

While the storm grows and the connections gets worse, he is trapped in a shuttle without any information on what is going on.  
When Shepard‘s voice comes alive with a cracking sound, everything becomes a blur.  
Starting the vehicle is harder than he thought, sand in every engine, every pore. He is glad his armour protects him from the most of it. But still James feels the dryness, feels the storm.  
Praying luck is on his side, he crashes into the fleeing shuttle, getting drowned in darkness moments later. 

Although the shuttles stopped, everything is chaos.  
He scrambles to his feet and let‘s be honest, _that was a crazy stunt pulled off!_  
Mission succeeded and James wants to cheer a moment before everything goes to hell. Again.  
The Doctor is a robot and she glows and she is fast and she picks up Williams like a ragdoll, head slamming against the shuttle. _Once, twice, three then four times._

It is the first time he sees Shepard in action. Really in action. A primal scream, she charges and shoots and all James sees is blurred red and black and blue, sounds lagging behind and Shepard screams long after her opponent went down in sparks and torn metal.  
James can‘t stand the thought of losing a squadmate on his first mission.  
Shepard seems to agree. 

He‘s in a nightmare, trapped in a nightmare. He has to be, at least things could not get any worse.  
Shepard‘s in shock, eyes fixed on Williams, the Asari has to shout at her to get her attention. _Yes, medical care. Medical care sounds good._  
He stays at Williams side while the Commander paces around in the med bay. The Asari kicks her out after merely a few minutes. So she continues pacing _in front_ of the med bay.  
Williams has pretty hands with pretty nails, until he notices the blood under her fingernails and so he resumes staring at her broken face. That view is even worse.

The Citadel is the worst and the Presidium lives in a dream, shutting out everything happening - truly happening - around them.  
The Commons show a different sight and so does the Huerta Memorial Hospital.  
It is crowded, people lying on the ground, wounded, moaning, bleeding, dying.  
He is not allowed to see Lieutenant Williams and so he walks back to the ship, head down and thoughts heavy. 

_Don‘t make it any worse, Vega!_ , he tells himself and yet Fehl Prime and Mars linger in his thoughts like all the sand he still scrapes out of his armour weeks after their mission. He fiddles with his guns and his armour and even ends up in the main battery, fiddling with the ships calibrations. A feeble attempt to keep his hands busy and his mind occupied with everything else but his dead world.

It‘s Commander Shepard coaxing him out of his shell, all challenging looks, attitude, red glowing scars and dark-circled eyes.  
_It‘s not your fault,_ she says while kicking him in his guts.  
James knows she blames herself.  
He calls her _Lola,_ punches back and almost breaks her nose by doing so. She grins with blood smeared on her teeth and hits back. He never thought he would punch his Commander with such enthusiasm. Or get punched, for that matter.  
_Thanks for the pep-talk, Lola._

He can‘t but have the feeling that her mind is just as much a mess as his is. He feels just as tired as she looks at least.

She makes an arrangement with the turian Councilor: getting the Primarch and by doing so, gaining turian support for Earth. It‘s a deal with many sidetracks but James understands that she has to take what she gets. Doesn‘t mean he has to agree with it. 

Before they leave the Citadel he visits Williams one more time. He‘s allowed to see her figure through thick glass and closed doors.  
Her face is swollen and coloured in all shades of purple and blue. The lines of her helmet are still marked red on her skin. There are flowers, sweets and a collection of old books on her nightstand. Shortly, he muses about reading some of the stories written in those old books to her. She wouldn‘t be able to listen anyway.

James settles in on the Normandy and the Asari comes to him and introduces herself as Doctor Liara T‘Soni. He doesn‘t know what to make of her but she tells him he settled in where Ashley Williams used to be.  
The dark glances Shepard shoots him burn under his skin now.  
Yes, he is the new guy and yes, he is very aware of that. James knows he is the outsider, the newcomer on this ship. And he is not very welcome.

He spends his evenings alone in the mess, where he eats with some lower ranked soldiers or all by himself. Doctor T'Soni hides herself away in her office, Shepard vanishes every time they come back from a mission, Joker never leaves the cockpit and Williams lies half dead in some hospital room.  
No joke or sarcasm helps with that kind of situation. 

The more they approach Palaven, the darker and hazier the Commander gets. She‘s unfocused, unsettled.  
_Oh no!,_ Liara disclaims as they see the grey surface of Palaven burn red.  
_We have a friend who... lives there,_ is the only answer to James‘ questioning looks.  
Shepard does not even seem to realize they are talking, red and blue reflecting on the visor of her helmet, face hidden from the world. 

Menae is not on fire but still war has planted it‘s embers around them.  
The situation is worse than he thought. A Husk is at his throat before he even sets both feet on the moon.  
Commander Shepard was never a talker but her silence weights heavy on his shoulders as they massacre their way to the outpost. 

_News of the day, the turian Primarch is dead and the new one is missing!_  
Everything goes loco and James can‘t but shake his head. Nothing is going right. Nothing. Sadly real life doesn't follow a foreseeable plot like all those action movies.  
As they are send to repair a comtower, he hears Shepard‘s voice through their comlink for the first time during their mission. He‘s supposed to repair the tower while Doctor T‘Soni and Shepard have his six but damn, he knows he‘s quite good with guns but everything else is a closed book to him.  
Shepard does not seem to care or even notice when he casually starts kicking the fuse box to get the tower back online. 

When they return there‘s still no sight of the Primarch. By now James knows his name is Victus and he fights the war like every other turian likes it. Close, personal and on the front line.  
No one has seen him since he ventured into battle this morning.  
In his mind James starts to bet who‘s going to become the next Primarch in case Victus dies on the front. His results are solely based on armour, weapons and all-around turian badassery. 

Commander Shepard gets harsher and harder every second.  
While her stance is stiff, her hands fidget on her weapon. She wears a mask of indifference but her quick and shallow breathes, filling the noise in his ears through the comlink, speak a different tongue. 

James thinks of the friend who‘s supposed to live here and he wonders if she thinks he already died here.  
Her hazy eyes show him enough to make up his mind.  
Her quivering bottom lip betrays her. 

She argues with the General when an unknown voice remarks, _I'm on it, Shepard. We'll find you the Primarch!_  
All four of them turn and the Turian approaching them is taller than most, swaggering his way towards them, half of his face covered in scars with the texture of the moon they‘re standing on. _Yes, this guy could be the next Primarch!_

He says, _June_ and Shepard says, _Garrus_ and he holds her hand a bit too long for James‘ taste and in all the time he knows the Commander, he never saw her smile at all and definitely not like this. 

They talk for a while, discussing their next move and this time Doctor T‘Soni gets send back to the shuttle and James is glad to be able to stay, although a small voice in the back of his head tells him Shepard just doesn‘t trust him with another shuttle. 

When she turns to face James again, her face has changed. Red scars still harsh on her skin, but her eyes glow and James is glad this Garrus didn‘t die here.  
So when she asks, _you coming, Garrus?_ and he answers with an _are you kidding? I‘m right behind you,_ sporting the turian version of a lopsided grin, James knows that there is nothing standing in their way anymore. Confidence is radiating off of the turian sniper and lets be real, it‘s hella contagious.

The moment Garrus Vakarian joins the squad, the dynamics change.  
They are well-matched, balancing out each other’s weaknesses and strengths and James feels kinda useless on more than one occasion.  
Shepard and Vakarian don‘t need to talk in order to work together and James makes a mental note to ask one of them for how long they have been working together. 

When running into other soldiers, it‘s an endless stream of _Vakarian, sir!_ and _at ease!_ and on occasion a surprised _Commander Shepard!_  
When they track down the new Primarch, he tells them he's a warrior, no politican. Shepard's reply is smooth as heck and the Turian bends quickly enough. But nothing can be this easy, and so he wants krogan support. Krogans. Great.  
They start talking business and James starts taking mental notes every time Shepard's and Vakarian's armour clack together while they talk.


	3. Pisces

Having him standing right next to her makes her skin crawl and her mouth tingle. June can't but watch him every few seconds, checking if he's really there, really alive. How great is the chance to find him breathing amid all the chaos around them? 

While Victus only leaves his home with many complains, Garrus remains silent on their way back to the shuttle. _You do not have to leave,_ she says while the engines start with a loud roar, drowning out every other noise. Garrus only shakes his head, clanks his armour against hers and stares out the window. Menae and Palaven get smaller and smaller, while the burning marks on their surface get bigger and bigger. 

For the first time since she left Earth she feels save to remove her gear. Not that she didn‘t do it before, but having him on the same ship makes her feel more confident than in a long time. Garrus enters the Normandy with a snarled _who fiddled with my calibrations? The whole ship is a mess!_ and June can‘t but chuckle and with her missing armour and one missing worry, she feels lighter than ever. Even Joker laughs from his spot on the bridge.

Contrary to June‘s presumption, Garrus doesn‘t leave for the main battery, but tags along. 

She had already planned to spend all her spare time in the cramped little room he made his own, but Garrus has other plans. He sits through her conference with Victus, waits for her to finish her call with Anderson and stands behind her while she has a meeting with Hackett. Garrus sits next to her when she writes the mission report - she keeps it short, there‘s time for filling in the blanks later.

Once nobody asks for her attention anymore, a shower to wash away the gore and sweat and dirt is much welcome. Undressing feels like shedding a second skin, the fabric sticking to her body. Garrus‘ heavy armour leaves grazes and bruises on his neck, shoulders and hips. He hisses when June accidentally touches the wrong spot.

It takes minutes for the tension to slowly leave her body. Her long-time companion hovers over her, steam rising from his body. Her hair sticks to his skin when she leans against him, breathing him in and listening to his heart race in his chest.

The slaughter of their worlds is too real, too close, too brutal. Garrus starts a feeble attempt of touching her, his hands wandering down from her cheeks to her neck, her shoulders, her chest and down to her hips. In the end, his hands just rest there, talons carefully placed on her hipbones, all tense body and tired eyes. Neither of them find words, but only silence to comfort each other. Shots and explosions are still ringing in their ears. 

He places his head on top of hers, a calming and steady hum vibrating through both of their bodies. They stay like this for a small eternity.

That night is the first night she joins her crew in the mess. Dinner tastes awful but she realizes it didn't taste any better eating it in her quarters all by herself. Garrus‘ figure next to her like a shadow, she nudges his leg under the table and he snorts and almost spills his drink on the table while choking. Vega stares. 

Eventually they end up in the main battery and when the hydraulic doors close behind them, June suddenly feels really small and really weak and she looks at him and he just stands there, looking at her and the whole awkwardness of the scene makes it so real and true and she could stare at him for hours but he fidgets and starts talking and once he starts he does not stop. 

It’s different than earlier, dinner and crew helping to normalize the situation, making it able to somehow continue working, existing, enduring. Although it’s hard to see, June can hear the smile in his voice. 

She smiles at him because with him, she can do everything, even smile in a war like this, while he babbles about the human protocol for reunion. June can‘t but laugh, both hands reaching around his neck, dragging him down to rest his forehead against hers. 

This is not a human romance and there is no standard protocol for human reunion needed. 

She feels him and smells him and his breath his too quick and her heart is too fast. 

They both just stand there and exist and for now, existing together in this small room on the Normandy is all she ever wished for. 

Hours later the turian joins her in her quarters and although his body is edgy and sharp and so much different than hers, she feels at home when she rests her head on his arm and her palm on his chest. June falls asleep to his breath on her hair and his heartbeat under her hand. 

It‘s unusual, having him right next to her. Half a year without his warmth, his touch, his presence, she wakes up every time he moves. The blue aquarium light casts hard shadows on his face and carapace, his breath calm and rhythmical. June can‘t help herself but trace the scales on his chest and arms. She places a kiss on the top of his nose and giggles faintly when his whole faces crinkles, a soft snore leaving his body. He hums and throws an arm around her body. Soon enough, she‘s trapped under is giant body, metallic plates chilling her warm skin.

His presence and touch still give her goosebumps every time.

 _I missed you_ , she whispers before drifting off again. Never ready to say the three right words.  
When her alarm wakes her up, his weight on her body is gone and the other half of the bed is empty and cold.

The wounds are too fresh and hurt too much. Silence and distance have always been his closest allies in times of despair. Silence, distance and guns, to be specific. This time June can taste the misery in her mouth, sees the sorrow in everybody‘s eyes, the smell of burned worlds following her into deep, dark space.

The day is filled with conferences, vid calls and way too many people asking for her help. 

Soon enough, June realizes that Victus is not the average turian. Leader of a race and society entirely built on war, he decides it‘s time to stop fighting the longest enemy the turians ever had. Krogan support for the turian homeworld sounds entirely unbelievable but June wants to believe that after generations, both races might be finally tired of hating each other. A common enemy seems like a good reason to end the fighting.

In the middle of a heated argument with one of her subordinates about some mundane complain regarding EDI‘s presence, the lights flicker and the whole Normandy drowns in darkness.  
Joker chips in seconds later. _Commander, EDI just went offline._  
_Great._

Worried eyes follow her while she ventures down to Deck 3, where the whole AI Core is on fire and submerged in thick, dark smoke.  
It takes minutes to extinguish the flames and even longer to actually see anything. 

_EDI, talk to me,_ is June‘s simple request, while carefully stepping into the AI Core. With blue lights, the AI comes back online and seconds later, the body of the robot from Mars steps out of the smoke.

June‘s first reaction is _holy shit - fuck - what the - how_ , her second reaction is shooting the damn thing and her final reaction is standing there dumbfounded. 

_Is there a particular topic you wish to discuss, Shepard?_

From this point forwards EDI now inhabits the body of Dr. Eva Coré. _Figures it‘s a sexy, female robot._ To say the least, Joker is thrilled and June swallows her distrust, putting all her believe in the Normandy AI.

After this incident her days become a hectic blur, gathering and contacting all the Citadel species is a task she didn‘t consider that difficult.  
Tevos declines before June can really explain the importance of the mission.  
Urdnot Wrex agrees with the meeting, although he states it‘s solely to get another chance at head-butting her.  
Dalatrass Linron is hesitant and June has to listen to a twenty minute tirade before the salarian leader finally agrees.  
_This better work out._

Garrus stays hidden in the main battery, only leaving his self-proclaimed residence for food or important intel. He visits her in her quarters every night, quietly spending their darkest hours together. She worries for him, his face like a stone mask. It‘s hard reading his emotions these days. He plays with her hair, traces her tattoos and counts her freckles like he always has but his mind is systems away. 

There‘s still no word from his family and for the first time ever June thinks she understands how it feels to be forced to leave family behind: Fate unknown.  
_I‘m not going. You saw those men back there. There‘s a million more like them, and they need a leader._  
She takes Garrus‘ hand and carefully squeezes it. He blinks and his sky-blue eyes look at her, mandibles faintly twitching. He does not squeeze back.

It breaks her heart to see him hurt like this.

The war summit is a mess and the cherry on top is that Wrex asks for nothing else but a cure for the Genophage in order to support the turians.  
_How the hell is that supposed to happen?!_

Well, curing the Genophage starts on Sur‘Kesh, where June is supposed to retrieve some female krogans that survived Dr. Maelon‘s research. The salarian planet is green and full of life. It‘s weird thinking about the salarians developing the Genophage to secure the extinction of a whole species, maybe on a planet as fertile as this one.

Garrus stands right next to her, all light banter and bold jokes. Wrex‘ laugh booms through the shuttle, James shooting uncertain glances in the battlemaster‘s direction. 

_Yes, Wrex is a sight to behold!_

And that he is when he quickly decides to try a krogan airdrop, jumping out of the still flying shuttle. Garrus laughs, June rolls her eyes at Wrex‘ great ways of introducing himself and James grins and raises his eyebrows rather impressed.

The salarians go nuts while Wrex manages to attract multiple red laser dots within merely five seconds.  
Laughing, June jumps out of the shuttle, grinning from ear to ear while resolving the situation.  
_Damn_ , she missed this old, stubborn krogan. 

After negotiating with Padok Wiks, June finds Captain, now Major, Kirrahe on the upper levels. Green skin faintly shimmering in the sun, he takes her hand willingly and shakes it with enthusiasm. Garrus chips in and Kirrahe hasn‘t forgotten him either.  
None of them will ever be able to forget Virmire.

James nods and throws in a _Hello_. Major Kirrahe looks in his direction, but then too occupied with explaining the situation.  
Once entrance is finally clear to move to the lower levels, sirens start ringing. Just like Kirrahe said: _When people know you are hiding something valuable, they‘ll want to steal it._  
Sadly the elevator does not move faster, no matter how much in a hurry they all are.

The lower levels are hectic, unknown intruders making everybody nervous. Once they exit the elevator, none other than Mordin Solus waits for them.  
_Shepard, excellent timing. Good to have you here._

In hushed whispers he explains that he gave as much information to the Urdnot clan as possible. June smiles, who would have thought the conscientious and correct salarian would give away important intel, negatively affecting his own species.

Soon enough, June realizes the situation is worse than she thought. Almost all krogan females are dead, only one krogan having survived, and she‘s in a terrible state.  
_Are you here to kill me?_

June swallows and shakes her head. Garrus‘ hisses and James clears his throat.  
_Urdnot Wrex and I are here to take you home. We want you to be safe._

It gets messy when Wrex calls and informs them that nobody else but Cerberus is here to capture the female krogan.  
Of _fucking_ course!

Mordin stays with the female krogan while June, Garrus and James take the long way around.  
_You‘re going to see Tuchanka again. I promise._  
June‘s reassuring words sound hollow when she speaks them out loud while the siren in the background still blares, footsteps of armed salarian forces echoing through the corridors.

Fighting their way through the facility while trying to keep up with Mordin and the krogan, requires their full attention and more bullets than June can count.  
James charges in head first, his shotgun leaving holes in walls and people. Garrus stays behind, having their six and cleaning up all the Cerberus soldiers that walk in his scope. June catches a bullet in her leg, her armour and shield absorb most of the bullet‘s force but still it hurts like hell and she has to carry herself with a limb for the rest of the mission. 

Adrenalin is her best friend in battle.  
This moment forward, Garrus stays a little bit closer.

From time to time they meet other salarians, Major Kirahee covering them while they fight their way forward.  
Every level they check in with Mordin and the valuable krogan. She‘s suspicious, distant. _This isn‘t your problem, Commander. You don‘t know me._  
June shakes her head and answers with a stubborn, _but I would like to. Hang in there._  
Garrus flashes her a faint smile, towering right beside her.

The next checkpoint is the landing area, where hopefully Wrex is waiting for them. The krogan gives a sarcastic comment about Wrex not being able to keep his hands off a fertile female and accordingly will be waiting at the landing area. June can totally get behind that. That‘s the Wrex they all know and love.

After a lot of fighting, they can finally get the krogan out of her pod. June watches while Wrex reaches out for her, willing to help her outside. She ignores him with all her strength when some more Cerberus agents fly in. Before any of them can reach for their weapons, the female takes Wrex‘ shotgun, making short work of them.

None of them can stop grinning like idiots while the female leaves Wrex behind. She definitely needs no man to protect her.  
She hears James whistle and sees Garrus smile.  
_This is the future of the krogans._ And June is hella proud.

One of the downed soldiers moans, shotgun shells stuck in helmet and armour. Dark red spreading on the white floor, June steps close and crouches.  
_Why is Cerberus here?_  
She hears his long, last breath as an answer. Then there is only silence.  
When she stands and turns, Garrus watches her, stepping closer, his armour against hers.

With Wrex, the female krogan, Mordin and her squad, they make their way back to the Normandy. The shuttle is cramped, Garrus‘ breath on her hair, her cheek. Although there are too many people for the small shuttle, she stands closer to Garrus than she has to.  
She takes one of his talons in her hand. 

Hackett‘s call comes in the moment June sets foot on the Normandy.  
Still in armour, sweaty, full of blood and with a limb that‘s competing with Joker, June makes her way to the conference room.

The Admiral is as calm as ever, congratulating her on the succeeded mission and informing her that Project Crucible has finally started. Weird that an unknown prothean device is supposed to be their only hope. _Didn‘t help the Protheans much, did it?_

Garrus waits outside, casually leaning against the wall, covered in blood and sweat too.  
_Don‘t you want to change? You deserve some rest._  
His answer is a single snort and a shake of his head.  
_You think they can do it? Find a cure? Save the krogan race?_  
June takes her time with an answer. This war has been going on for decades.  
_We gotta hope, right? If someone can find a cure, then it‘s Mordin._  
Garrus chuckles and with a nod, clanks his armour against hers.  
_True._

They don‘t get far, finding Wrex and Primarch Victus loudly arguing in the War Room. Krogan support is needed _now_. Wrex has different plans. If there is a cure, there is krogan support. That‘s it. 

Mordin Solus, quietly standing by, gets involved and explains them that a cure is possible.  
He has named the female krogan _Eve_ and she is the hope of a people.  
Both leaders want to discuss something in private and soon enough, June has to realize that this is a lot more fucked up than she has expected.

Later that day June visits Eve and she is impressed by her wisdom.

Eve is inspiring and June feels a spark of hope inside her while listening to the krogan who has endured so much for the future of her race. The whole galaxy at war and at the brink of chaos and still there is hope within the most tragic people.  
Eve is inspiring. 

It‘s the night after their mission on Sur‘Kesh that Garrus finally feels safe enough to break down.  
June studies a datapad when he walks in, carefully locks the door and settles down next to her. She puts her datapad aside and watches him, carefully.  
His chest quickly raising, she feels his fluttering breath on her skin.

 _Let me-,_ she whispers, too afraid to touch but one of her hands reaches out towards him. There is no room for loud voices and bold gestures.  
Garrus shakes his head, withdraws - then breaks.

It starts with a tremble of his hands, a shudder running down his spine and shallow breathing.  
She reaches out and holds him when the keening starts.

Garrus buries his face in her lap, talons digging into her tights and hips. June holds him as best she can, cross-legged and hunched over, arm protectively on his back, the other hand on his scalp. She feels the scar tissue under her fingers.  
No words can make the pain any less, but June hopes her presence will at least make it durable.

They fall asleep in her bed, hunched over and exhausted. His weeps follow her into her dreams.


	4. Taurus

The mirror in the men‘s bathroom is cracked. Garrus‘ hand is bloody and hurts like hell.  
Just like the rest of his tired and strained body.  
When he gets dressed again his omnitool shows a disheartening 3:06. Night cycle.  
He tried to wash away the tears and the sadness with hot water but once again, this tactic has proven useless. 

Sneaking back into June‘s room is no option. She‘s tired and on edge and the glowing scars on her face remind him of the time her vital signs on his omnitool came to a final, excruciating halt. He still fears to see the straight lines and zeroes once again. He would not survive her loss a second time.  
Sneaking back in would mean waking her. Instead he settles in the too-small bed he made himself in the main battery.  
The blinking lights keep him awake just the same.

Victus seeks him out the other day, telling him he has business on the Citadel.  
_You better tell that to the Commander._  
Garrus knows June has dozens of missions and everybody wants her to set her priority on theirs. But Earth is dying and Garrus knows this is her only concern.  
When he accompanies his Primarch to meet the Commander, June barely looks up from the dozens of datapads littering the table in front of her, only listening with half an ear. She nods and accepts in one giant, fluent sentence that is mostly directed towards EDI.  
_Alright EDI, tell Joker we‘re going back to the Citadel, I need all the data Liara has about Sovereign and contact Chakwas, Traynor was running a low fever yesterday but didn‘t deem it bad enough to go visit her. Make it quick. And thank you._

Victus is pleased enough, turns and leaves as quickly as he entered.  
Garrus tries to make her look at him but she refuses. He leaves without another word.  
_Is there anything war does not destroy?_

Growing up in a civilisation completely based on war and fighting, Garrus focusses exactly on that.  
He recalibrates the Normandy‘s and his guns every day, making sure his _Krysae_ is intact, all bullets in place, seamless scoping possible. She‘s deadly and he makes sure it‘s deadly for the ones at the right end of the barrel. Garrus can feel the notches on his cheek when focuses through the scope.  
He trains every day in the Shuttle Bay, curious eyes of the Vega-boy from Earth following him around.  
He keeps himself busy every second of the day, no time for thinking, worrying, mourning.  
In a society built on war, there is no time for hard feelings.

Four days, 23 adjusting calibrations and 45 training sessions later, they arrive at the Citadel and he does not want to leave the Normandy but Victus urges him to join. Oh, the Citadel is so much worse than he thought.

The Docks are cramped and full of people without any home, most of them without family but all of them full of sorrow and despair. Batarians want to sell him a cheap place to sleep, a turian tries to sell him a black market gun and a human straight away asks him if he has any Red Sand he would be willing to sell. Or buy.  
Garrus flees from the Docks as fast as he can. He tastes the same smell of hopelessness and desperation that greeted him on Omega. He is not willing to go back to those days.

 _I noticed Commander Shepard is working hard for an interspecies alliance._ The banter is meant in good faith but backfires terribly in Garrus‘ presence.  
_Not like any of you would do anything without an interspecies alliance._  
Victus scoffs but complies, _Fair enough._  
But Garrus can‘t keep his mouth shut when he should. _The Reapers are a galaxy-wide thread and instead of butting heads and showing off we should rather actually do something._  
The Primarch‘s mandibles twitch in dislike and Garrus tries to save whatever he can by adding a pathetic _Sir!._

From then on it‘s just a lot of talking and walking and Garrus is used for nothing but standing next to his Primarch and he supposes he should be proud but all he can think is that he would much rather stand beside June.

Victus leaves for the Normandy once everything is settled and all business is taken care of. Garrus still lingers.  
He wanders through the Presidium aimlessly and somehow ends up in Huerta-Memorial-Hospital.  
It‘s bad.

Garrus knows that Ashley is taken care of somewhere around here, but only after half an hour he finds her room, recognizing her raven hair behind milky glass. The door is not locked and so, after split-second-contemplations, he knocks and enters.

Ashley welcomes him with a real smile; soft skin wrinkling around eyes and mouth and the bruises on her body are slowly fading.  
_Welcome to my personal prison!_ , she greets and gestures at the small, bare room. It smells of antiseptic.

 _So cozy,_ he replies and she only snorts as an answer. _Yea, totally..._

They talk for a while, Ashley mentions Vega and asks how he is holding up. As if he‘s the one being bound to a hospital bed.  
She also mentions that June just visited her earlier that day. June did not mention that to him.  
He smiles and hopes whole-heartedly that both of them will overcome whatever is standing in their way.  
Their relationship is strained, too many deaths and fights and orders making the gap between them widen.  
June‘s death was probably the biggest impact of them all.  
Garrus chases the thought away as fast as he can.

They‘d always been butting heads, making everything a competition. But no matter how much of a challenge, they had still always seen eye to eye.  
Now dynamics have shifted.  
June rose from the dead and Ashley is faced with mortality more than ever. Her broken skull and neck and rips seem to prove that point. 

But June‘s immortality is short-timed and fake, yet all Ashley sees is her former friend breathing and walking after spending months in cold and lifeless outer space. The only wounds from space are red and glowing - no frozen lungs, no burned skin.  
When he mentions June‘s name in passing, her eyebrows knit together and her lips twist every time. Their fight is something they have to resolve alone.  
If your greatest competitor returned from the dead - there‘s not much you can do to outdo _that._

He departs once an Asari nurse brings Ashley her meal. It smells so bad and looks so gross that Garrus takes it as his cue to leave.

After a few more stops all around the Citadel, Garrus strolls back to the Normandy. He finds Joker in his usual spot. All by himself.  
Hydraulic doors hissing when he enters, Joker grins at him and quips a joke.  
It ends in a battle of the worst jokes ever told.

Eventually, June shows up. She‘s in civilian clothing - tight, black leggings accentuating her long legs, freckles visible on her arms and neck. Her dog tags jingle faintly when she moves. Garrus can even make out the constellation-tattoo on her collarbone, hidden in clusters of freckles. She wears her hair open, single strands tickling her skin. Her scars are still red and harsh.

 _Traynor found an emergency call from Grissom Academy on the way here,_ she says and Garrus‘ interest is piqued.  
Kahlee Sanders is head of Grissom Academy, if he isn‘t completely mistaken. This will be the next priority. He knows that much.

And just as expected, it is.  
Once business on the Citadel is all taken care of, the Normandy sets out for Grissom Academy, located in the Petra Nebula. 

_You with me?,_ she asks him once the Academy starts appearing on their radar.  
He huffs and nudges her, _Always._  
June nods and nudges back. _EDI, please tell Vega to show his pretty ass up here at the bridge._  
Minutes later, Vega is there, sweaty from training, skin faintly glistening under the neon light.

While Traynor fills him and Vega in on all the intel they have, Garrus grants June a sidelong glance. She stands tall, hands clasped behind her back, spine straight.  
_You think he has a pretty ass?_  
She does not look, does not even lose her stand besides grinning like a maniac. _You know I like yours most._  
Then that‘s settled.  
Garrus can‘t stifle the low chuckle that tumbles out of his mouth.

Grissom Academy is bigger than he thought and as it turns out, harder to get into than he thought, too.  
Tricking Cerberus is easy, there‘s enhanced turian technology involved and Garrus remembers how they tricked them into investigating a Collectors Cruiser. If he thinks back, he can still hear the low, constant hum echoing and vibrating through his whole body and mind. He‘s glad that at least the Collectors are taken care of.

Once contact to Sanders is established, she outs a breathless _June, that you?_  
And June answers with a simple _We’re fixing this Kahlee._  
Sanders believes her, and so does Garrus.

Once they are at the Academy, light banter dies down, everybody focusing on their task, weapons loaded and ready to shoot.  
He feels much more comfortable with Cerberus as their enemy, rather than their ally.

The Academy is a lonely place. White, sterile walls, neon lights and no signs of actual living make it hard to believe that this is a school. It reminds him of his own years in training, molding him into the soldier he became.  
This is what the death of childhood looks like.

They find only a few scattered Cerberus Agents, proving to be not a real threat. Good-aimed shots and they are down before knowing what actually happened.  
Finding Kahlee Sanders, he catches a glimpse of one of June‘s honest and scarce smiles.  
Sanders stands and embraces her in a familiar hug.  
She‘s one of the people closest to June. It‘s easy to forget when they are always in different solar systems.  
_It‘s good to see you._ He sees how Sanders presses her lips together, tucking a lose strand of red hair behind the ear of her daughter of choice.

Sanders manages to nail current information down to a few sentences. Soon enough they make their way down the hallway, trying to rescue a few students getting cornered by Cerberus.  
Repetitive announcements are blasting through the corridors, a vain attempt at recruiting the students for the terrorist group.

Following the sound of fighting, they run into a group of students fighting far too many Cerberus soldiers.  
Loud and blinding, their teacher hurls biotic energy at them, disarming them in a matter of seconds.  
The familiar tickle of static in the air, the feeling of time being altered, released energy muffling every existing sound.  
Even after all this years in combat, Garrus still can‘t grasp the meaning of biotic energies. As long as the biotic power is on his side, he‘s okay with how it is right now.

Once all enemies are taken care of, time settles back into frame and the buzzing in his ears stops and the teacher turns out to be nobody else but _fucking_ Jack.  
Unusually many tattoos hidden beneath clothing, sporting an undercut, brown hair worn in a tight ponytail.  
Crimson lips stretch into an even stranger smile when she recognizes the bystanders.

Another wave of Cerberus Agents hit them and they are forced to cut their reunion short. Vega gets hit by a bunch of too many bullets and when his shield overloads the heat of the discharge burns in his eyes and makes his visor flicker.

Thankfully there‘s a lot of cover because taking down the Atlas turns out to be a grinding process. He takes a bullet meant for Vega and the metal bites into his upper arm – right between two armour plates - he grunts through the pain before collapsing against the next wall. It‘s June fixing him up momentarily with a swift slap of medigel to the shoulder.

When the last enemy falls to the ground with a simple _clunk!_ Garrus is finally able to breathe again. The wound in his arm still stings but the medigel did his job and so he clenches his fists and continues.

_Kahlee said she was putting out an SOS. I had no idea the Queen of the Girl Scouts would show up._

June smiles and throws a casual salute in Jack‘s direction. Her laugh echoes through the white hall before she starts calling out every single weakness her students showed.  
Freaking Jack teaching other kids biotics. What a crazy time to be alive.

Anger still festers in her mind and the first thing June gets is a punch to the face.  
_Charming as ever..._  
Jack scoffs and she does not miss a single beat.  
_Bite me, Garrus. Better yet, bite her. Probably how she likes it._  
Garrus sees the twitch in June‘s face but tries his best to ignore it.

With the students and Jack in tow, fighting their way to the extraction point is - exhausting. Jack fights like ten men but most of the kids are tired and overwhelmed. You cannot fight for hours without your body struggling to keep up.  
Garrus is trained for this kind of thing but his whole arm pulsates with constant pain, his weapon grows heavier with every minute and focusing becomes much more difficult.  
June‘s breathing is heavy and James is covered in sweat, short hair sticking to his forehead.

Still they all keep going and after hijacking an Atlas, saving one of Jack‘s kids and finally getting into the shuttle, Jack laughs and nudges Vega who stands right next to her.  
She locks eyes with June.  
_Never thought I would say that but damn girl, I missed fighting with you by my side._  
Vega nods in agreement. 

Back on the Normandy, June vanishes within minutes while Vega occupies himself with cleaning his weapons.  
Everybody is dealing silently with the aftermath of the mission and so Garrus leaves too. Getting the bullet out of his shoulder is a painful but quick process. Chakwas knows her job, after that he joins Joker for some more light-hearted banter before locking himself in the Main Battery.  
_How do you know a Turian ran out of ammo? - Because he switches to the stick up his ass as a back up._

June does not show up for the rest of the day and when Garrus decides it is time for a well-deserved rest, it‘s 2:13. Night cycle. Again.  
Once he no longer keeps himself busy, the hunger comes, introducing itself with a lout uproar in his stomach.

Venturing into the kitchen, he meets nobody else but James Vega. The boy is seated on the kitchen counter, a nutrition bar in one, a beer in the other hand.  
His eyes are distant, his hair wet and his feet without shoes.  
Vega greets Garrus with a short nod.

Searching through the multiple fridges and closets, Garrus finds a few dextro-bars and takes two. That has to do for now.  
Minutes pass where neither of them say a word, standing across each other on the kitchen counters, Garrus casually leans his hips against the furniture while Vega stays seated on top of it.  
The crackle of cheap plastic and the crunching of the nutrition bars are the only sounds echoing through the big room. One of the neon lights flickers while the fridges hum constantly.

_Say, for how long have you and Shepard worked together? How long do you both know each other?_

The question is unexpected and Garrus looks up in confusion.  
It‘s hard to pinpoint the moment they met. She‘s always there, always in his mind. It‘s difficult to remember a time she wasn‘t there.

It‘s not that he doesn‘t remember. Oh, he does. Every moment with her burned into his memory, pulse quick and senses sharpened. Although she‘s two decks atop of him, there‘s a faint hint of her scent lingering on the whole ship. 

It had been a busy day on the Citadel and he‘d been annoyed because no department knew what the other was doing. C-Sec being their own worst enemy, boozing up in their self-imposed bureaucracy.

Commander June Shepard had been a rigorous tall figure, sharp features and nothing but determination radiating off of her. That day she‘d been pissed too. Back then fighting Saren had been the worst possible. Oh how much he wishes to go back to those days.

 _Years,_ he says. There is no reason to get into details with someone he does not know. _We‘ve been working together for years._  
That her death stole an entirety of two years is something he will not mention - ever.

 _Your a good shot,_ Vega admits and a proud smile ghosts over Garrus‘ features. 

_Learned from the best,_ he replies and means it. His father thought him how to aim His first Commander told him how to pull the trigger. June thought him how to keep breathing after the shot rings in your ears. 

An understanding nod is something he did not expect from the human on the other side of the kitchen counter.  
_You must have seen a lot through the years._ Garrus doesn‘t know if there‘s some hint of admiration or challenge in Vega‘s voice, so Garrus just nods. He‘s seen more than he wanted too. Every soldier has.

With a loud crunch, Vega bites into his nutrition bar and breaks the nostalgic and dark silence. Brooding over lost battles at 3:00 night cycle is not a good idea.  
They eat their food in silence until only the empty plastic wraps are left.

Garrus feels Vega‘s gaze lingering on him every once in a while, curious glances and questioning looks slowly creeping under his skin.  
Vega is young and full of adventure and all Garrus feels is the tiredness in his aching bones.

He leaves the kitchen minutes later, making his way down to the Main Battery. With Vega‘s eyes following his every step, he does not dare to venture towards the elevator. The least thing June needs is some accusation of inter-species fraternization. He knows there are rules within the Alliance and although he does not know if it affects other species too, he knows she‘s his superior officer in their chain of command. 

Garrus only makes it to the stairs before Vega calls him with a quiet _hey!._  
Turning, the boy stands only a few steps away from him, awkwardly scratching his scalp.  
_So, shoot! What‘s the coolest thing you have done, Vakarian?_

Garrus can‘t but snort. Of course he makes it a competition.  
Hiding his smirk under a challenging look, Garrus raises his chin.  
_You sure you want to play this game?_  
Whatever Vega did, Garrus knows he has won. Not to sound arrogant or anything but some things just can‘t be topped.

Vega‘s laugh echoes through the empty room.  
_What‘s the matter Vakarian, you chicken?_  
June called him that once too but he already forgot the meaning again. To cover up the language-barrier definitely taking a hold, he coughs and replies with a desperate joke.

 _I don‘t even know what that is - though I‘ve heard everything in the galaxy tastes like it._  
The grin Vega grants him is worth the shitty joke.  
_But if you‘re suggesting I‘m scared... game on, Vega._  
Don‘t let this boy get over his head.

 _Age before wisdom..._  
Garrus let‘s the comment slide, just so the conversation doesn‘t die before it really began. June trusts in Vega and so Garrus isn‘t out to scare him off the first minute they ever really talk.

 _Okay, back in my C-sec days, I busted a batarian spy ring that was trying to assassinate a councilor._  
Even after all these years, Garrus still remembers the smell of all the dead bodies, too many dull eyes staring, crimson red slowly spreading on the cold, white tiles.  
All he got for saving the councilors life was a handshake and a bottle of wine he could not drink. 

_Please,_ Vega scoffs. _I fought off a dozen angry batarians on Omega single handedly. Used one of ‘em as a landing pad off a three story jump_.  
Pride dripping from every word, Garrus swallows a snarl and instead leans his head back against the cold wall. He tought he stopped boasting about dead bodies years ago. _Look at yourself now, Garrus_ , he thinks. _Praising yourself with lives you took._  
War creates too many monsters. Even those who try and fight for what is right.

Facing Vega, Garrus covers up his dark thoughts with a chuckle.  
_Just warming up, seeing what you had, Now._  
He shifts, leans against the railing of the stairs and makes a dramatic pause.  
_I tracked down this guy, Saren. Stopped him from raising a geth army and unleashing the reapers three years ago._

This time, James snorts and he shakes his head which makes the muscles on his neck bend.  
_Doesn‘t count. You did that with Shepard._

Somehow, his reply makes Garrus angry. Yes, he was with Shepard and he couldn‘t be prouder. June always emphasized how much her squad, her team, her friends mean to her, that she did not do it alone and frankly, she couldn‘t have done it alone. But the media loves making her a hero, bending her into a myth nobody can grasp, the Sole Survivor of Akuze rising from the trauma and ashes of their life, freeing the Citadel species from Saren‘s grip, but dropping her the moment the mood shifts and she does something not everybody is agreeing with. She might be the Commander but June never made a decision without her squad. She is not fighting this war alone and just because he was the one who dragged her out of the rubble and ruins of the Citadel after the fight with Saren, he did not less than anybody else fighting the indoctrinated spectre. 

Garrus‘ reply leaves his lips with a drop of venom. 

_You‘re right. I was with Shepard. From the very beginning._

His words sound more vicious than he intended. Still, he stands by it and watches Vega shift uncomfortably. 

_That just means you are old._

_Old enough to know when I lost a fight,_ Garrus thinks but keeps the words close to his heart. June trusts Vega and he be damned if he would start a fight with the boy on the first occasion. 

A faint knock startles both of them. Turning heads, it‘s nobody else but June leaning at the dining table, one hand resting on the smooth surface, knuckles supporting her weight. She‘s wearing nothing but an oversized Alliance shirt. _Great._

She strolls over with a smile, red hair messy and scars faintly glowing. Garrus shifts his weight from one foot to the other, making sure he‘s facing her. 

_Don‘t mind us. Just telling James here what it means to be a real soldier._

_Is that so,_ she muses, stalking even closer. Gaze only momentarily shifting towards Vega, her eyes are fixed on him and he slow-blinks at her, never breaking contact.  
_Here I thought you would eventually show up to discuss those battle plans we talked about earlier and yet, I‘m still alone in my cabin, waiting for all the important intel._  
The smirk decorating her lips is wicked. 

Garrus notices how tense Vega gets, standing straight, arms dutifully at his side, ready to salute. June notices too.  
_At ease, Vega. It‘s 3:26 night cycle the heck I‘m going to pull any military stuff now._ Glancing at the torn plastic wrapping, she gestures and asks _any more of those bars?_

James nods and wordlessly gets one for her. She takes it with a nod of gratitude, focus shifting back on Garrus.  
_You coming or what?_  
He grands Vega a last nod, pushing himself away from the railing and follows June, who playfully sways her hips more than she usually does.  
The growl sitting in his throat is hard to suppress as he follows her to the upper deck.

The next morning starts at 5:20 and while the ship slowly comes to live, June already gathered her ground squad around her. There has been barely any sleep and Garrus’ joints crack every time he moves.  
They sit cramped up in the war room, uncomfortably close, heat radiating from machines and bodies.  
_Next stop, Tuchanka. Making the impossible possible. Curing the fucking _Genophage.__

The krogan homeworld is a heap of dust and ruins. Only getting close to the planet makes the temperature rise noticeable high. Not affecting Garrus that much, he can still see the sheen of sweat making June‘s skin shimmer. Every once in a while a droplet rolls down her temple and catches in her hair. Vega‘s hair is already wet and sticking to his helmet.  
Garrus tries to blame the all-around tension.  
Even Mordin keeps his mouth shut. 

Setting foot on Tuchanka means fighting from the moment they arrive. Husks and Harvesters swarm the area and their way to the Hollows is a single, enormous fight.  
Eve quickly proves again that she‘s a powerful krogan. Garrus admires her and he sees the way June stares. She‘s impressed too. 

Accompanying the krogan ground convoy leads through the wasteland of Tuchanka. Sadly it ends quickly enough when the road ahead is so damaged that the whole convoy has to stop. From a distance, the Shroud is a sight to behold.  
Then, everything happens too fast and all at once and one of the turian fighters falls from the sky and breaks on a truck in a fury of flames and shrapnel.  
June sends the convoy away while the three of them stay left behind.  
James nervously fidgets with his gun in hand. 

They find a way through a tunnel and end up in some dark and lonely catacombs.  
_The city of the ancients._  
Something makes the ground shake and the wall tremble. Nothing a gun can do against a _fucking_ earthquake. 

With time, the tremors get worse and Garrus carefully complains. June shoots him a look but nods. Asking the krogans results in an answer Garrus wished he hadn‘t heard.  
_It is said Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws, lives in this region._  
June stops right in her tracks, her lifted boot hitting the ground with a delayed _thud!_ and a followed stumble.  
_Of course it had to be thresher maws._

After multiple seconds of silence, James coughs and the faint echo and silence following are too much for Garrus. He stands right next to her moments later. Eyes wide open and scared, he tries to catch her gaze, pull her from dark memories and back into reality. June looks right through him. 

Holding her face with both hands, he tucks a sweaty strand of hair behind her ear.  
_June,_ he whispers and hopes somehow she will hear him through the terror in her mind. 

__Shepard, we gotta -!,_ James calls and steps closer. He cuts his sentence short when he catches a look at her face._

__I don‘t want to_ , she whispers, barely audible even in the echoing, vast stone halls.  
_You are not alone!_ and _Let‘s just get out of here!_ are hollow words and they taste bitter in his mouth._

While her breathing spirals into hyperventilation, Garrus tries to do his best and calm her with soothing words. It never worked with any panic attack she ever had.  
When he feels her whole body shake, Garrus just hugs her, holds her close to him and starts to breathe as deeply and loudly as he can.  
Her face rests on the cooling plate of his armour, it takes several minutes until he starts to affect her and she slowly starts to mimic his deep breathing patterns. 

For all the talk Vega usually does, he‘s quiet now and Garrus appreciates his silence more than any words.  
He‘s standing a few feet away, obviously staring but distant nonetheless.  
More tremors shake the ground and there‘s a whimper leaving her mouth and Garrus wants nothing more than to bring her far, far away from here to some place safe. 

__Get your ass out of there Shepard! Step on it!__  
It‘s Wrex shaking her free from her state of panic. She gently pushes away from Garrus, streaks of tears framing her face. Panic still sits in her eyes but she collects herself, clanks her armour against his and gestures to keep moving.  
James follows wordlessly. 

____

The ground keeps shaking, but they keep stumbling forward, cracks appearing in the walls around them. There are paintings and if Garrus would have to take a wild guess, they all depict a giant thresher maw. Kalros.  
_When the krogan name a thresher maw, you know you‘re in trouble. They don‘t think anyone is ever going to kill it._  
He notices too late that he spoke those words out loud. It‘s James giving him a scolding but scared look. They all know he‘s right. 

After long, dark minutes of venturing through the shaking halls, they find themselves at the end of a staircase, a dead rachni lies on the ground before them. Where there is one rachni there are definitely more of them. There‘s light at the end of the stairs and he hasn‘t seen June run that fast in a long time. She sprints up the stairs, armour and weapons rattling against each other.  
The surface looks just as dead as the underground halls.  
Who knows what would have happened if the krogans wouldn‘t have nuked their own planet.  
After a second look, small speckles of green show that the hope for Tuchanka is not yet lost completely. If the reapers don‘t win, that is. 

Soon enough, they spot the krogan trucks followed by moving mountains. Garrus realizes too late that the mountains are actually just a few back plates of Kalros. While the trucks speed through the temple-grounds, the giant thresher maw follows them, leaving a trail of broken ground and acid in the air.  
He barely manages to catch June when the bridge they are standing on collapses.  
_That beast is fucking territorial about this temple!,_ Vega shouts and Mordin confirms it after two more seconds.  
This is her ground and she does not tolerate anybody else sharing her dead home. 

When they meet up with Wrex and the others, Kalros is still on their heels. The Shroud towers in the distance, flanked by the dark, insect-like shape of the reaper. Hopping into the trucks is more problematic than it seems, ground and vehicles shaking like leaves in the wind. Kalros approaches with an ear-piercing screech. Garrus makes sure June is right next to him, her hands covering her ears in a weak attempt to block out the scream. Her eyes are wide and open and when he catches a quick look on her vitals on his omnitool, her pulse is completely through the roof. All her vitals wrecking a havoc in her body. 

The plan to get rid of the reaper is - questionable. It‘s Eve‘s plan and sadly, it‘s the only plan they have. June‘s hands shake and she covers up the tremble in her voice with volume.  
Summoning Kalros to take on the reaper is their only chance to get to the Shroud and - against all the odds - cure the _freaking_ Genophage. 

Once they enter the Summoning grounds, everything becomes a blur. It‘s not just an endless flood of brutes but the reaper poses another threat. Garrus never thought a reaper would try to crush them with its legs, but here they are.  
Activating the maw hammers is an exhausting process and the ground-shaking sound echoes in his ears long after the hammer went silent again. But Eve‘s plan works and Kalros appears soon enough. 

The fight they are witnessing is in its own way fascinating. The thresher maw leaps out of the ground, casting an enormous shadow and attacking the reaper with another, ear-piercing screech. The reaper does not stand a single chance against the mother of all thresher maws and after only a few minutes, gets dragged underground, leaving the wasteland in rubble and torn soil.  
Only then Garrus notices the way he positioned himself between June and the beast.  
She clanks her armour against his and gifts him the faintest of smiles before running into the burning Shroud.  
_Stay here!,_ she shouts and Garrus can do nothing but watch, as she disappears in smoke and rubble. 

The following minutes are the worst.  
The ground is still shaking and the tower is falling apart. Garrus can‘t stand more than a minute before he calls her and asks for her to open the coms. She does immediately but the connection is the worst and for several more minutes they can only hear static and occasional breathing. When the connection finally clears, it’s a heart-breaking sight that reaches his ears. 

___I‘m sorry._ _ _

___I‘m not. Had to be me.  
Someone else might have gotten it wrong. _ _ _

All that follows is her heavy breathing and a whispered _I‘m coming outside._

Garrus hears explosions, Mordin‘s deep and controlled breath and June‘s boots on the tile floors. This is the end and they all know it. Mordin seems calmer than ever. 

It‘s when Mordin starts to sing, that something within Garrus seems to shatter. Mordin will die and Garrus hates to just be able to stand here and _watch it happen._

__

___I‘ve studied species turian, asari and batarian._ _ _

Garrus turns to look just anywhere but the Shroud and Vega stands next to him, sweaty and out of breath, dust settling everywhere. Vega’s gentle eyes are sad and Garrus knows even if he does not know Mordin, he understands. 

June joins them, silently crying. 

___My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian. I am the very model of -_ _ _

The explosion wrecks the top of the building, rubble falling from the sky like big, petrified tears. 

_A scientist Salarian,_ Garrus whispers just to himself - the sudden, loud silence in the middle of the song tearing at his mind. 

He holds June‘s hand while sobs wreck her tired body. They won an important fight today. Losing a friend lets the victory taste bitter in his mouth. 

The cloud surrounding the Shroud turns a calm beige. Like snowflakes, the Cure falls from the sky.  
Garrus only stares. Everything feels numb. 

The krogan have a victory to celebrate, but Garrus has a hard time feeling enough joy for what they archived today.  
Eve turns out to be named Bakara and her gratitude will span across the whole planet. The future of the krogans - finally secured.  
Dispatching troops to Palaven will start immediately. Wrex clasps his shoulder with a big hand, and the smile stretching over his scarred face is sincere. 

Back on the Normandy in deep dark space, the ship is held by an overwhelming silence. The med bay is empty, even Chakwas stays away for a while.  
June vanishes with red eyes and red scars.  
Garrus stays with Liara for a while, just not yet able to face the silence that will welcome him in the Main Battery. 

It‘s 1:29 night cycle when Garrus leaves her chambers and makes his way to the Main Battery. It‘s the first in a long time that he‘s not sure if June wants him around. She‘s grieving for a friend and her way of mourning has always been violent. Garrus is not yet ready to face that wildfire. 

Vega sits on the counter in the kitchen, a bottle of beer sitting next to him. He notices Garrus with a single nod and sad eyes.  
Somehow, Garrus stops and comes closer.  
_Thanks for not saying anything today,_ he says and it‘s clumsy but he means it.  
James smiles a smile that does not reach his eyes.  
_I‘m sorry for your loss, Garrus._

___Yes, we all are, James. But thank you._ _ _

He stays for a while, light banter filling the hole Mordin and the krogans left on the Normandy. They talk about nothing heavy, only simple things leaving their lips. It‘s more comforting than he thought. 

When Garrus enters June‘s cabin, she sits below the aquarium, cold blue light falling in moving shadows on her shoulders and hair. Arms wrapped around her knees, her whole body gets shaken by sobs and hiccups. He should have come sooner. 

Without a second thought he lifts her up and sets her down on her bed, her skin is hot to his touch but a terrified shiver make her whole body tremble.  
_I‘ll be right back._

He ventures into her small bathroom, a cloth soaked in cold water is the only idea he can come up with to cool her down.  
The mirror in her bathroom is cracked and when he sits down at her side again, he notices her bloody hands and the crimson-stained bedsheets.  
The wounds on his hands are not yet healed. 

Maybe they both mourn in violent ways. 


	5. Sagittarius

The dreams are as repetitive as they are gruesome.

She's running, running, running - not even knowing what she is actually running from.  
There're ashes in the air, the smell of burned wood lingering.   
Shadows of people, standing between groups of trees.   
It‘s a haunting scene.

She can‘t see the Reaper but she knows it‘s there. The blasting horn, signaling the activation of the deadly beam echoing from everywhere. June sees the red light and runs in the opposite direction.  
The trees around her reach towards the sky like gaunt, weathered hands.

There are whispers, distant and otherworldly. She recognizes Kelly‘s voice, then Garrus, then Wrex and Mordin - past conversation playing in the background like a broken recording. Again and again and again, occasional white noise filling the silence.

Then she sees the boy from earth.

It‘s instinct taking over, maybe reflex but June does not really think when she runs after him. She lost him on earth, she won‘t lose him again.  
Running into trees, stumbling through shadows, she seems to never be fast enough. It‘s like running underwater.  
June is too slow. Again.

The boy turns and looks at her, innocent eyes widening in terror while flames creep up his body.

She wakes gasping for air, cold sweat covering her body.

_You‘re not alone - I‘m with you._  
He‘s right next to her, not touching but in reach. June can‘t but stare for a moment, searching for his ice-blue eyes. His presence is a calming one - still it takes minutes for her heart to slow, for her goosebumps to disappear, for the adrenaline to finally ebb out and the realization hitting that it was _just_ a dream.

_I couldn‘t save him_ , she whispers once words don‘t seem to be too loud anymore.  
She never told him about the boy from earth but Garrus nods nonetheless, hands carefully settling on her back. June feels sorry for waking him, she‘s glad he‘s here but his sleep is restless and his brain never shuts up so she feels guilty for robbing him of peaceful slumber. Garrus never was one for nightmares but exhausting insomnia.

Her companion does not answers her, no reply sufficient or calming or reassuring enough to be spoken out loud. Instead he hums and settles back into the pillows. His body looks awfully misplaced in the soft cushions and thin linen. 

The aquarium glows coldly and casts twisted shadows on the walls. June sees a distorted shadow of herself, neck too long, hair in a weird shape embracing her head like a broken halo. She hears her hamster running in his cage.

_Barney needs food_ , she says unprompted and takes it as a weak excuse to leave the bed. From the corner of her eye she sees how Garrus throws an arm over his eyes in defeat - _I‘m sure he has bunkered a lot of food in his house, June. Please try and get some rest._

_As it seems Lady Lazarus never sleeps._ June suddenly remembers Miranda‘s words and somehow she was right. Dying made sleep a frightening acquaintance. The nightmares are no help either.

In the end, June spends the rest of the night working on multiple reports, Barney giving her company on the desk. He likes the small Normandy SR-1 statuette and sits on top of it.  
Garrus falls back to sleep only to wake a few hours later and silently leave.  
His hand settles on top of her own for a moment. June sees the torn skin, blue scab covering his knuckles. Her own pale skin, still bloody from the encounter with her mirror image, looks ghostly next to his.   
He kisses the crown of her head before departing.

The next few days are hectic, too many people asking for her attention, her aid, her marksmanship.   
Eventually it‘s the salarian councilor Valern calling her and the news he brings are no good.  
 _I have concerns about humanity‘s representative._  
June raises a questioning eyebrow.  
 _Councilor Udina._  
Well... shit.

As it turns out, the Council spies on each other and sure enough, Udina is moving vast sums of money with no obvious purpose.  
June never liked him and hearing about some hidden agenda of his does not help. Of course the bastard is dirty.

Next stop, Citadel. June wants to get this out of the way as soon as possible. And with the Reapers wreaking havoc everywhere, she sure as hell won‘t let any bullshit from Udina‘s side slide.

Once the Citadel comes in range, June makes her way up to the bridge. Garrus is already there and so is James, casually fiddling with his dog-tags. June herself is in armor, mostly just to make a point - trying to show the human councilor she is not messing around. Her patience runs awfully thin these days.

Garrus greets her with a lazy, tired smile while Joker waves his hand around in an attempt to show her she needs to be quiet. 

_Alliance Control, this is SSV Normandy, are we cleared to descend?_  
It‘s pure protocol and meaningless bureaucracy but all of them still after a few long - far more meaningful - seconds of silence.  
It‘s Joker throwing a confused glance her way. June just shrugs and waits, while Joker repeats his request.

Soon enough, it‘s obvious something is definitely fishy. With no backup lines available and complete radio silence, the space station lays before them in peaceful deep, dark space. The heart of the Citadel Space seems eerily quiet, no ships or other vessels anywhere near the usually busy gigantic vessel.

Joker throws her another glance before checking emergency channels. Tense silence follows, June can feel the concern radiating off of James while Garrus deliberately steps closer. She can also hear the quiet noise of his talons nervously clicking together. 

_I got a bad feeling about this_ , is all he mutters.  
Soon enough, Joker finds a channel, nods and hums a few times before letting June and her comrades listen in.  
The voice belongs to someone she did not expect.

_Shepard, the Citadel is under attack. Cerberus troops are everywhere, and they are in control of the docks._  
June met Thane a few times, being forced to spend his days in the Huerta Memorial Hospital, his illness making it hard to breath, harder to live.   
Her first question is about his safety, not being able to stand the thought of the weakened drell being in life-threatening danger without being able to properly defend himself. Thane gets wrecked by coughs before he is able to answer her, explaining that he indeed managed to evade any enemies so far, but still far from being safe.

Garrus growls, the helplessness of the situation making him nervous while James just silently stalks off, ready to fight.  
June‘s thoughts are everywhere, from the safety of the Council to C-Sec‘s Commander Bailey and eventually settling on the safety of no other than newly announced human Spectre Ashley Williams.

_Did Ashley make it out?_   
Momentarily forgotten are their fights, disagreements and the overall tension between them. Friends are friends and all the fought battles only hardened their bond. Once it comes down to it, June realizes that she still cares once the betrayal loses its meaning in the face of uncertain death.

Interrupted by multiple coughs and momentary static, Thane explains the current situation to the best of his knowledge. Ashley takes her new position seriously, trying her best to get the Council out of this alive.

Moments later June decides and springs into action. Getting C-Sec headquarters back under Citadel control is their best guess at taking back the whole station. Joker swallows, nods and focuses on getting them as close as possible. Garrus follows her down to the Bay. He stops her for a moment, having to take her wrist in order to halt her from storming off.   
June stares into his piercing eyes and notices the worry etched into them.   
, she forces herself to say, believing not a single word filling the hallway. Garrus just nods, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against hers. She kisses the scars on his face before turning. The turian follows her and she feels a spark of confidence inside her. There hasn‘t been anything so far that was able to stand against them. Cerberus can‘t be any different.

As it turns out, the Citadel is a warzone.   
It‘s like Mars all over again, the space station being infiltrated by heavy-armored Cerberus agents. The ghosts of former enemies lingering in the shadows, as June and her squad take on the soldiers waiting for them. She hears the mechanic hisses of the Atlas as it turns, aiming for them with a low and steady hum. The remaining C-Sec agents lost control over the fight minutes ago and June has to watch helplessly when the bullets tear them apart.   
It‘s James’ battle cry pulling her out of her daze before all three of them charge into battle.  
The Normandy Crew managed to save the Citadel once. Now is the time to do it a second time.

Once the battle dies down, the Atlas crumbled in a heap of smoking metal, they find nobody but Bailey in front of the doors of the C-Sec HQ. He‘s in bad shape, desperately clutching his side in a pointless attempt to slow down the bleeding. Yet he still smiles and the snark in his voice is as potent as ever.  
 _Getting my ass shot off trying to retake headquarters. Cerberus took it in the first push._

June swallows and nods. It‘s a sudden but coordinated attack and a rather impressive outcome. From all the stories Garrus told her and all the first-hand interactions she had with C-Sec so far, the department may have more than one stick up their ass but they usually still got shit done with their constant attempt to have a backup-plan for every occurrence. Losing the HQ to an unexpected attack as quick as they did, Cerberus most likely had them outnumbered more than outwitted.

Bailey grunts, another gush of blood slipping through his fingers as he shifts and stubbornly continues to lay down the situation for June and her team.  
 _We gotta kick ‘em out of there. Everyone in C-Sec‘s flying blind without the network._  
That sounds more like the C-Sec Garrus always ranted about. Maybe outwitted all along.

It‘s Garrus taking control while June still grinds her teeth, thoughts spinning. He asks about the Councilor and the heart-dropping realization hits that there is more at stake than just the commoners. And that already seemed too much.

Besides being Commander of the Normandy, June is also a Spectre. Her presence on the Citadel makes her primary goal the safety of the Councilors, Udina included. Whatever shit he pulled can be dealt with later.   
Bailey stands with shaking breaths and a pale face. He‘s keeping it together for now but the puddle of blood he left on the floor tells a different tale. James throws her a concerned look before the door to the headquarters slips open with a familiar hiss. 

The walls are marred with bullet holes, lights slowly dangling from the ceiling, scorched and broken furniture tiling the floor. Above the reception hovers the digital sign of _C-Sec_ , pixels glitching around and occasional static flickering across the screen. It‘s awfully silent and for a split-second June wishes it would be an actual sign made of actual neon light, the soft buzzing disturbing the deadly quiet.

Bailey is the first one to settle. Stepping over broken pots and trampled plants, he seats himself in front of the terminal, one hand still clutched to his side, his breathing sharp and quick. James waits for her confirmation before wandering off in search for some medigel while Bailey quietly bleeds on the white tiles.  
His fingers are swift while he sets up a new communication channel. With Cerberus having all control over the main channels, the C-Sec agents scattered around the station are completely clueless without some kind of communication to make a plan.  
By all June knows the whole Council could be dead already.

Footsteps approaching lets them raise their guns again, Garrus and June flanking Bailey who has no chance to protect himself. It‘s James voice echoing through the room when he warns them before rounding the corner. While he tries his best to patch the C-Sec Commander up, Bailey does not stop to file through the systems. 

When he inhales sharply, June steps closer.   
Whatever he found, Bailey reads with a deep frown set firm on his face.  
 _A warning of Councilor Valern.  
Be on guard - the likelihood of betrayal from within is high._  
Valern‘s apparent concern regarding an inner threat seems questionable at first but before June can ponder over it some more, it is Garrus who pieces it together.

_The councilor mentioned Udina..._ he rasps and June can feel the pieces falling into place. It‘s a crazy theory but the only one they have. Vast sums of money, Valern’s impending meeting with the Executor and the sudden Cerberus Attack...   
_But that‘s insane. Does he even have this kind of pull?_

June locks eyes with Garrus as he vocalizes her thoughts. No matter how much credit she gives the human Councilor, it seems like a far stretch. Yet, it is the only theory making any sense at the given time.  
The decision is made moments later. Getting a hold of the salarian Councilor is their only hope to get a hold of this messed up situation or at least shed some light on it. It‘s Garrus tactical mind kicking into gear as they head toward the executors office.

Static filling her ears reminds her of Thane‘s presence. His breath comes out in staggered rasps and there‘s a strain in his voice that wasn‘t there before. He acknowledges their plan and heads to the same place. June can only hope he will make it there before his body betrays him. A gurgling cough is the last thing she hears before transmission cuts off again.

Wandering through the cold and empty hallways of the Citadel, June feels the adrenaline rushing through her body. She‘s on edge, expecting enemies around every corner, just waiting for the barrel of a gun being mercilessly shoved into her face. While she still takes the lead, the faint footsteps of her squad mates calm her fluttering nerves, knowing whatever she might miss, one of them for sure will notice.  
It‘s their luck that all the Cerberus agents they encounter make themselves known by constant radio chatter echoing through the halls.

Eventually, after numerous flights of stairs, they come to a halt in front of the Executors office. No sound is heard from inside and while Garrus and June position themselves on each side of the door, James slams a fist on the lock. The casualty with which he carries himself makes June realize how much he trusts them already. Countless fights on numerous planets strengthened their bond and June realizes, after her rough start with the Alliance soldier as nothing more but her guard dog, she has come to trust him just as much. He‘s capable and honest with just the right amount of sass to not become just another subordinate among many others.

Entering the room, the stench of death welcomes them with a ferocity that makes June gag. The faint taste of iron lingers in the air, blood splattered on the walls of the once fancy office. Directly across from the door, the lifeless bodies of the executor and two salarian bodyguards are slumped against the prominent desk.

_Being too late to save people is becoming a habit._  
Yet, there is no trace of Valern and June be damned if she writes the resourceful salarian off before seeing his cold, dead body with her own eyes. Bailey seems to agree.

Rummaging through the office, none of them find any trace of the salarian politician. Garrus sets his gun on the windowsill with just enough force that June turns and looks at him. Mandibles twitching in tense annoyance, Garrus leans against the railing of the glass facade, eyes trained on the levels below.   
A multitude of tables and chairs, an attempt at cramping as much seats into the room as possible, stretches out before them.   
June walks up to Garrus, her hand coming to rest on top of his. She hears a rumble in his chest before gazing down into the cafe area as well.

It‘s the rotation of one of the chairs she catches out of the corner of her eye, that makes her lift her hand and stare in concentration. With a light blue sizzle, nobody else but Councilor Valern uncloaks himself just one floor below them. Giant eyes scanning the room anxiously.

_Found him,_ June calls and hears Bailey as well as her team sight in relief.  
Turning to make her way downstairs, Garrus suddenly growls and makes her turn around again.  
Valern is no longer alone, a tall dark figure looming in front of him.  
No matter how close he seemed moments ago, the floor separating them seems too far away now.  
June spends no second thoughts on her actions when she shoots the window, glass flying everywhere and jumping down on the level below, the still unfamiliar feeling of her biotics softening her fall. Indistinct calls echo through the building while she rises and aims at the opponent, Valerns back facing her, being a living shield for the enemy opposite of him.

_Don‘t even think about it_ , June hisses between clenched teeth, the salarian making it impossible to properly aim at the Cerberus agent. He‘s clad in black armor, cybernetics distinctly scraping across the floor. His long black hair hangs into his face, parts of it swiped up into a high ponytail. All she sees is the tight set of his lips, eyes hidden behind glowing cybernetics.

_Shepard. He‘s going to kill us all._  
The high voice of the Councilor, distinctive fast-paced syllables falling off his lips, makes June tense up even more.   
_That remains to be seen,_ she answers and speaks the words louder than necessary. Slowly she sets into motion, trying to circle Valern, trying to get a good look at the apparent assassin.  
But the agent circles with her and Valern between them makes it impossible to shoot without taking a giant risk.

The next words the salarian speaks are still fast, but urgent and quiet.   
_I mean Udina. He‘s staging a coup. He‘s got the other councilors now - to hand over to Cerberus._

Garrus and James carefully walk into the room, guns drawn, bodies tense and ready. June shakes her head. Whoever the guy in front of her is, he‘s her biggest threat at the moment. Taking a step forward, she threatens the enemy again. He‘s outnumbered and outgunned.

_It‘s over._  
The toothy smile splitting his face makes her heart drop.  
 _No, now it‘s fun._

Without a single sound Thane steps out of the shadows, his skin glistening, scales faintly shifting colors under the artificial lights. No matter how sick - how weak he is and sounded moments ago, his gun is loaded and held against the enemy’s temple with a steady hand. The motion seems far too familiar.

As his gun charges with a characteristic sound, the Cerberus agent moves and he is way faster than any of them predicted. June can‘t but helplessly watch as both assassins battle each other in a heap of flying fists.

Valern scrambles around, tripping over his long rope and feet while using the fight to get away. June has to help him up, his long hand clam and cold while she gets him on his feet again, roughly pushing him towards the stairs.  
The next moment the Cerberus agent is gone while Thane reloads his gun. 

_Shit!_   
Slowly advancing into the room, June feels the hairs on her arms stand up. Flanked by Garrus and James, she moves towards Thane, only not quit fast enough before the tactical cloak of their enemy deactivates and another fight breaks lose.  
Through all the grunts and kicks and shots she can still hear Valerns scared whimpering. Every noise gets drowned in silence the moment Thane loses the fight, sharp iron blade piercing his body.  
He falls to the ground with a heavy _thud!_ , blood splattered across the room and a puddle quickly forming below him.   
There‘s nothing but a soundless gasp leaving June‘s dry lips.

She hears herself call for her friend, frantically shoot into the direction of their opponent with tears blurring her vision. June smells the iron, tastes the blood.  
She screams while running after the fleeing Cerberus agent, trying to make him pay, trying to _not_ make Thane‘s sacrifice completely in vain.

It all feels like a movie, some cheap film when the assassin simply jumps of the edge of the building only to land on a car and flee. June blindly shoots until her gun overheats, a strained sob trembling from her lips. Even after she stops she can still hear the clicks of a gun and once she turns she sees Thane again, holding onto the last bit of strength he has.

The drell coughs and slumps against the door frame, his breath quick and shallow. His armor is soaked in sticky blood when she kneels down to him, pressing her trembling hands against the gaping wound. It‘s a weak attempt at minimizing the done damage.

_I have time. Catch him._  
June just shakes her head, strands of hair sticking to her sweaty skin. She keeps the pressure on his wound.

Eventually it‘s Bailey urging them to hunt the assassin. With a car waiting for them and the Cerberus agent most likely going for the rest of the Council, June has no other option than to leave her friend behind.

Just like Mordin, Thane has nothing but calming words for her. They do not reassure.

In the end, Garrus nudges her towards the car and all of them leave the scene, Valern safe and Thane‘s blood coating the tiles around him. June can only hope that medical assistance will be there in time.

What follows is a pursuit made for yet another movie. The assassin waits for them, damaging their car in the process. June tries her best to shake him off, fight him, kill him. But he‘s a biotic and once their car tumbles down to the Commons, black smoke trailing behind him, June curses him in every language she knows.

While Bailey tries to get a hold of the remaining council, June and her squad fight their way through the Commons - a race of time against the assassin.  
It‘s the assassin and some of his henchmen catching the elevator ride up to the shuttle pad, just above Shalmar Plaza. Garrus manages to pry open the doors of the other elevator, but the dark tunnel greeting them makes June‘s heart miss a beat. James is the one who notices the inactive elevator sitting just a few meters below and June does not think twice when she jumps onto its metal roof. Her squad follows suit.

_Hang on, it‘s gonna be a fast climb!_  
Bailey activates the elevator, all three of them speeding through darkness while the elevator shoots up towards the landing area.  
June can only hope that the Council is not yet there.

It‘s definitely the most dangerous elevator ride June ever had and especially James seems to have a hard time holding his footing - Garrus steadies him with a firm hand on his shoulder.  
June can‘t but notice that James and Garrus are slowly warming up to each other, seemingly leaving the constant bickering behind.

The hollow _They haven‘t made it to the council yet, I‘m making their elevator stop on every floor_ plants a grin on all their faces.   
Maybe Bailey is in no condition to get into the fight but hell yeah, he‘s still kicking their ass in the most annoying way possible. Memories of awkward elevator rides with faint repetitive music in the background ghost through her mind - maybe riding an elevator on the roof is her new go-to way of moving up and down the floors.  
 _Nice._

As it turns out, it‘s not just the two elevator shafts beside each other, but rather a giant gap where dozens of elevator shafts are cramped into as less space as possible. They encounter a few moving elevators, but shooting the power conduits beneath them makes them come to a rattling halt, sparks flying while their own speeds past and continues rising through the levels.

After passing multiple elevators full of enemies, another elevator comes into view and it‘s Bailey‘s raspy voice announcing the valuable people inside.  
June has to take a deep breath before she urges herself to jump on the roof of the other elevator, probably startling the council inside.  
Only moments later, bullets dent the roof from inside, a certain someone making June‘s job harder than it already is.  
 _Fuck you, Ash!_

Muffled shouts echo from within the elevator but it takes June valuable seconds to pry the ventilation lid away and drop into the cabin. All she can see is Ashley‘s back while June and her squad try to catch up.  
James slams the door shut behind them, successfully trapping them all on the shuttle pad.  
For a split second, June can see the panic twisting over Udina‘s face.

_Shepard?_ comes Ashley‘s question, gun instinctively lowering while confusion spreads over her face.   
She raises her weapon quickly once she realizes neither June nor her squad move, guns pointed at Udina, who is clever enough to hide in Ashley‘s shadow, her body shielding his own.

Udina‘s drawl lets everybody tense up even further. He‘s a politician for a reason, able to talk nonsense into everybody‘s head.  
 _Shepard‘s blocking our escape! She‘s with Cerberus!_

If June would have any say in the matter, the human Councilor would have caught a bullet right there and then. But she doesn’t and so he won‘t.  
The second she looks into Ashley‘s face she knows she swallowed his words.  
Moving to the side, she positions herself in front of the Council, all former concerns wiped away, her hand steady and her expression cold.  
And yet, despite the guns pointed, Ashley gives her a chance to explain herself.

It feel‘s weak and somewhat hollow but June channels all the fond memory of their friendship before everything fell apart with her own death.   
The lazy late-night-talks while stuffing their bellies with disgusting protein bars.  
The movie references snug into her motivational speeches while on mission that only Ashley, Kaidan and herself noticed and understood.  
And most of all, the reassuring feeling of someone having her back at all times, before Garrus swaggered into her life and before he somewhat became more than just the bitter C-Sec officer, more than just a member of her crew with his own reasons for hunting down Saren. Ashley had been there at the beginning of all this mess - with a bloody lip, a bruised cheek and a haunted look in her eyes, the first one to see the traumatic reality of indoctrination back when they all thought the Geth were their biggest problem.

When June speaks her voice breaks and she hates it.  
 _You know me better than this, Ash._  
There’s a tremor in her lip before Ashley shakes her head, once more shoving all concerns away.  
 _I knew the old Shepard - before Cerberus._   
Her face twitches with disgust, as if June is not a former colleague, a former friend but some infectious disease.   
_Right now, I’m not so sure who I’m dealing with._  
Her words hurt more than June wants to admit to herself.

All the times June saved her, all the times she saved June - it’s like a long gone dream, forgotten during the busy, hectic waking days.   
June feels the tension in every fiber of her body, feels her teeth clench, her jaw aching under her own force.  
The moment June forces her body into a less threatening position, Udina opens his foul mouth.

_Shepard admitted to working with Cerberus! For all we know, she’s still with them!_

The growl slipping over her lips is filled with pure raging hatred for the man and all his lies. But still, Ashley considers, gun still pointed at her while her head slightly sways from side to side. She’s weighting up her possibilities and with all the wrong words said between them, June is more frightened than ever to hear her answer.

Mars is still present in her mind, Ashley’s distrust, the accusations, the wariness. Both of them are tired of fighting and yet they are trained to do so. Ashley is a warrior and now a proud human Spectre. Ashley won’t disappoint.

_Hate to say it, but he’s got a point._

When Udina steps closer, something inside June snaps.  
With a quick nod towards Garrus, she lowers her gun, putting all faith into whatever remains of her former friendship with the other woman.   
While Garrus raises his gun, James follows suit, picking up on their nonverbal agreement.  
There’s a hint of desperation in her next words, her voice raising in volume as her options run out.

_Would I do this if I wasn’t dead certain, Ash? If I weren’t right?_

A few determined steps forwards, she notices Ashley’s finger lying on the side of her gun, not resting on the trigger. She does not intent to shoot, maybe does not deem it necessary. It gives hope for a little bit of trust left.  
And so, June presses on.

_Udina’s behind this attack. The salarian Councilor confirmed it._

It’s the words that set the other councilors in motion. Until now standing on the sidelines, Tevos moves forward, brows raised in curiosity. But Udina only scoffs.  
 _Please, you have no proof_ , he snarls and the grin twisting his features makes June want to punch him even more. _You never do._  
Moving up to Ashley’s side, he seems to feel awfully confident in his web of lies, blind with arrogance. He walks straight up into their line of fire, her squad’s weapons immediately drawn on him.

June does not let his words stand, frantically pointing at the door behind her.  
 _There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they will kill you all._ It’s all she can offer, all she has.

June didn’t have proof for the Sovereign until it was too late. Back then, the Council didn’t believe her until the Citadel was under attack. History is looping and June feels herself getting caught in an unwanted déjà vu.  
Tevos seems to get haunted by the same thoughts.  
 _We mistrusted Shepard before... and it did not help us._

When Tevos speaks out against Udina, something in his face falls, something in his heart grows even colder. With a violent shake of his head, he turns and marches for the control panel. _We don’t have time to debate this! We’re dead if we stay out here. I’m overriding the lock._

Ashley’s thoughts are racing and so are her eyes, scanning for options, solutions, the right choice. June walks forward. There is no time left. Trust is tested now and either she or Udina ends with a bullet in the head.   
That’s when the realization hits that even after all the fights, some part of June does not want to give her friend up.

Ashley does not move.  
 _Stand down. You don’t want to be shot by your own marine._  
Ashley’s gun is awfully close while June stands there, not yet ready to even consider the thought of putting her friend down. 

This is her last attempt, the last chance both of them get.  
 _Ashley, you think you’re doing the right thing. I respect that_ and she really does. Some small part of her is even proud. Ashley had always been a good soldier, deserved the role as second human Spectre more than any other person. And after everything her grandfather did wrong, she would willingly give her life to do what she thinks is right. Always being better than the best. Shanxi always in the back of her mind.

June’s next words are dripping with pure desperation. She cannot handle to lose someone else.   
_You serve with distinction and honor, but the person you’re defending isn’t worth it. I don’t want him dead - I don’t want anyone here dead - but you can’t let him open that door._

A shuddering breath escapes Ashley’s lips before she closes her eyes for a mere heartbeat and when she opens them again, June knows she made a decision. Whichever it is.  
 _I’m gonna regret this._

_No, you’re not_ , June replies, immediately feeling some part of the tension leaving her body while Ashley turns to face the human councilor.  
James and Garrus catch up with her, weapons still ready but lowered. There are pearls of sweat on James forehead, trailing down his temple and even Garrus seems taller, tenser, on edge.

With another huff, Ashley falls back into old patterns, a symbol of the trust she puts into her, even after all they’ve done and all they haven’t done. _All right, Skipper._   
The nickname makes June’s skin crawl, an echo of past days, past years where their discussions about religion where their biggest fight.  
 _Udina, step back from the console._

He curses while his fingers fly over the panel, a panicked attempt at forcing the moment.  
June raises her gun again, already aiming to take him out if necessary. She would not waste a single tear on that bastard but the asari Councilor steps up, trying her best to solve this with diplomacy.  
All she earns is a punch to the face, the ferocity of it making her stumble and drip over her own dress, sending her tumbling to the ground.  
A moment later Udina draws his gun on her.

Ashley has not yet finished shouting, when June pulls the trigger.  
It’s only the second time in her life that she takes a human life and does not feel an ounce of regret but bold satisfaction when his body hits the ground.

She hears Ashley mutter _Son of a bitch_ , before a terrified shout directs all their attention elsewhere. Nobody is sparing human Councilor Udina another glance.

With the simple order to get the Council to safety and guard the door, June turns. But they wasted too much time fighting and accusing each other and sparks already fly as the door is forced open, Garrus and James already in position, ready to defend the Council. June is at their side in mere moments. Ashley is no longer alone in her mission to protect the Council.  
Two human Spectres, a feisty marine and a turian vigilante against whatever Cerberus will throw in their way. After convincing Ashley to fight on their side, to trust her, June feels as if she can take on the world.

The door opens with a strained hiss, as guns are already drawn and pointed into the face of the other.   
June expects the earlier assassin, cybernetics and sword reflecting the artificial sun of the Citadel sky - instead she is greeted by Bailey’s pale face.

He lowers his gun with his whole body, strain and tension having him kept upright but now that the Council is safe, running out of energy. He leans on a comrade beside him, while he grants June a small smile, squinting against the light.

_Made it as fast as we could, Shepard. Looks like you, uh... took care of things._  
Looking around, the only source of his assumption is Udina’s dead body. She does not follow Bailey’s gaze.

_Something’s not right. You said Cerberus was targeting us - where did their soldiers go?_ , Tevos is the first to speak, quick mind, quick words. She’s always a few steps ahead. June can feel Sparatus’ judging look through the back of her head. She’s tired of having to prove her worth, prove every word, every decision. Bailey is quick to explain the situation, shed some light into the darkness.

_Cerberus was right here but they beat feet into the keeper tunnels when they figured out we were coming._ His familiar draw is more slurred than usual, his wound needing professional treatment as soon as possible. Yet, he gets the job done. _Sorry Councilor, I’ll say it plain: Shepard just saved the lot of you._

Sparatus is quick to thank her, the whole Council remembering just too well when the Destiny Ascension was only heartbeats away from destruction, their lives heartbeats away from ending.  
But quick enough, questions start rising. 

June knows the game. The second the fight is over, politicians wanna know the reasons - who, what, why, when. The turian Councilor has the boldness to ask her why the Illusive Man would to this. Hell, how should she know. But he’s up to no good and with the Reapers at War and whole Council life on the line, she knows she will have to deal with him. _I plan to find out._

Bailey once again calls to arms, now that the Council is safe and they won the most important fight, it’s just a matter of time to get the whole Citadel back under Council control. What follows are a lot of talks with important people. June loses sight of her squad and spends the next hours running from one person to the next.   
Cerberus vanished and the assassin escaped.   
June’s pretty sure it won’t be the last time she will meet him.

Once everyone is talked to, she finds some solitude and time to breath on her way to the Huerta Memorial Hospital. She has been there more in the last few months than she has been during her whole life in the military.

She gets greeted with the discouraged, grief-stricken face of Kolyat, Thane’s son. His eyes already tell her she is going to lose another dear friend.

Maybe it’s her own imagination, but when she meets Thane in his hospital room, his scales are dull and milky, the previous shimmer lost somewhere in combat. She feels her face and heart freeze when Than rasps a quiet _I’m afraid I won’t be joining you again._  
Knowing he’s sick does not help. At all.

_You’ve done more than enough, Thane_ , she counters. He deserves rest - peace. It’s torture knowing that will only be possible in death. But yet, Thane still hasn’t lost his sense of humor. _That assassin should feel embarrassed_ , he chides. The smile she gifts his is weak and sad and he softly shakes his head at her. 

A cough rattles through his body, leaving him even weaker than before. With barely any voice left, he asks _I need to know, did the Council survive?_  
Kolyat answers, the sadness in his words as he praises his father. It breaks her heart to see that he will lose his father so shortly after they found each other again.

What follows are only more coughs, gurgling and sputtering in his attempts to keep on breathing. For a moment, the thought crosses her mind that maybe, being shot would have been a kinder, less gruesome death.

_Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand -_ , he does not have the strength to continue.

_Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit_ , Kolyat continues his father’s prayer.  
He hands June a book, opens it and quietly asks her to join them in prayer. 

_Kalahira, this one’s heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention._ With a short glance, he asks her to continue.  
Her voice is hoarse from all the previous screaming and the sadness that now took hold.   
_Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me._

After that, his coughs soon grow quiet, his body turned to look over the presidium.  
His death is not as loud as Mordins, but a quiet one and this time, there is no raging battle - only left-over-adrenaline not enough to stop her body, her heart, from hurting. It takes all her strength not to break down crying right then and there. 

Instead, she clears her throat and speaks one of her thoughts out loud.  
 _Why did the last verse say ‘she’?_  
June is not prepared for Kolyats answer.  
 _The prayer was not for him, Commander. He has already asked forgiveness for the lives he has taken._  
Lifting his gaze from his father, Kolyat looks at her, scales shifting in cold blues and greens. _His wish was for you._

For a while, June finds no words. Thane is dead, just like Mordin and even more people will die. _She_ will die, if it means saving the lives of the people she can still protect. June will lose herself in the battle against the Reapers – already lost so much.  
 _Goodbye Thane, you won’t be alone for long._  
She does not know if she believes in something after death, maybe it’s comforting to think so, maybe it’s scary to believe it never really ends. Maybe he will meet his wife again.

When June leaves, her whole body is aching. She’s struggling to keep it together but even now, in the aftermath of the attack, there are too many eyes, to many people looking to her. It’s the last stretch before finally boarding the Normandy, when Ashley steps into her vision, dark, damp hair put up into a messy ponytail, cheeks flushed and hands fidgeting.   
Yes, June wants to take a shower too.

_Shepard... I don’t know what to say._   
Yes, neither does June.

_I’m trying to go over everything in my head. Make sense of it._  
June waits for her to speak. She’s too tired to fight her again, too tired for continuous discussions. Ashley made a choice today. _We’re on the same side_ , June states.

Ashley nods, _Well, that will be the first and last time I wave a gun at my commanding officer._ But with that, she isn’t done. Facing the hangar, she muses. _Was he indoctrinated?_  
Who knows. He didn’t have all the symptoms Saren showed in his late stage of complete madness. Her thoughts are slow and so she only replies with a simple _Nah, he was just really dumb_ , before reconsidering.

Ashley is faster. _How do we fight something that can worm its way into your head?_  
 _We don’t have a choice._ None of them have a choice.

Apparently it’s what Ashley waited for. Pacing back and forth, she avoids June’s eyes while asking the important question.  
 _Hackett asked me to join his team. It’s a great offer, but I’d prefer to ride this thing out aboard the Normandy._

Maybe this is their second chance. Or third chance. Or just the chance they need to work their shit out.  
 _Permission granted, Lieutenant. Welcome aboard._  
A grin sneaks its way up Ashley’s face before she quickly returns to seriousness. _Thank you._

When they finally board ship, she tries to keep her debrief with Hackett and Anderson as short as possible, limbs and mind tired from hours of fighting and barely any rest in the past few days.  
It only takes a few sentences, before Anderson interrupts her with an angry growl - turns out he’s acquainted with the assassin: Kai Leng.

Patched up by Cerberus after Anderson made quick work of his functioning legs, June realizes he could be a bigger threat than she first expected. Whatever the Illusive Man wants, he will go lengths to get it. One failed Coup won’t change that.

After everything is talked about, June makes sure to check on her squad. 

Ashley is checking in with Chakwas, bandages still fresh after her stay at the hospital. She can hear them laugh even through the thick glass. There’s a lot to catch up to - for all of them.

James lounges in the kitchen, sitting on top of one of the counters, a giant pot of pudding sitting on his lab. _I earned this_ , he defends himself and June agrees. He did great. Whenever there is a chance, she will tell him so. Next time.

Garrus is already fiddling with the calibrations of the ship again. He abandons his post at the control panel when she enters. He’s in casual clothing and she sees the marks on his skin his armor left. Even he looks tired. June has no words left to say, only falling into his embrace with a quiet sob.   
She got Ashley back, but for right now, all she sees is the costs of it.

He feels her unease, feels the heaviness in her body as she presses herself against him. Two strong hands steadying her, he takes his time to level his face with hers, tired blue eyes locking with hers.

_Whatever you think, we_ won _today. We earned this victory. You did everything you could, and you did everything right._

Cupping her face with one hand, she leans into his touch, closing her eyes. She wants to drown in his touch.

_Please, do not blame yourself for this._

She does not leave his side that night and when they finally settle down on her bed, he holds her tight, her back firmly pressed against his chest, his carapace uncomfortably digging into her shoulders.  
She drifts into a restless slumber only minutes later.   
The nightmares already wait for her and this time - this time there is the echo of Thanes voice too.


End file.
